PMO refuses to lie low

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Suggestions that the Prime Minister’s Office repeatedly lied to the media during  Scott Morrison’s Hawaii holiday fiasco prompted The Bug to clear the air once and for all with a very senior PMO source in a forthright and open interview.

Even though he asked not to be named, his responses were illuminating.

tape recorder.jpg

The Bug: Thanks for your time today.

PMO official: My pleasure.

The Bug: Do you really mean that?

PMO official: Of course. Why would I lie about something that insignificant?

The Bug: Ah, to the nitty gritty straight away. Are you suggesting the PMO would lie if the topic was important enough and, to coin a phrase, a cover-up was needed?

PMO official: We’d never be caught doing that.

The Bug: The PMO told the media Mr Morrison wasn’t in Hawaii. That was an outright lie, wasn’t it?

PMO official: Yes….

The Bug: Aaah ha! You admit it?

PMO official: You didn’t let me finish. Yes, we told the media the PM wasn’t in Hawaii. But, no, that wasn’t an outright lie.

The Bug: How so?

PMO official: The media phoned us and asked if the PM was in Honolulu. At that exact time, the PM and his family were enjoying a yachting outing well off shore so technically they weren’t in Honolulu at the time.

The Bug: That’s just a little but tricky, isn’t it?

PMO official: Thank you.

The Bug: But why would the PMO even feel the need to be so underhanded and to obfuscate like that? Why not just say “no comment” to such inquiries about the Morrisons’ whereabouts if their security or privacy needed to be protected.

PMO official: Oh, that was never the case. There wasn’t a person in the PMO who didn’t realise from the get-go that the PM’s decision to fly out to Hawaii was a political disaster in the making. Our leader can be a really dumb cunt some times. What we did was try to save him from himself.

The Bug: Boy, that’s refreshingly honest.

PMO official: Thank you. Being open and honest is important to us. We take the lead, of course, from the Prime Minister who mightn’t be the sharpest tool in the shed but is probably the most decent, honest and open leader we’ve all ever had the pleasure to work for.

The Bug: Goodness me. Do you really believe that?

PMO official: I said it didn’t I?

The Bug: Yes, but do you believe it?

PMO official: I said it didn’t I?

The Bug: Yes, but do you believe it?

PMO official: I said it didn’t I?

The Bug: Yes, but do you…..

PMO official: Look, we both know this could go on all day and I’ve got another appointment so we’ll have to finish this up soon.

The Bug: Point taken. The PMO also told the media after Mr Morrison announced he was rushing home that any delay in his return was because he was some hours away from any airport.

PMO official: Did we say that?

The Bug: Yes, you did.

PMO official: Well it would have been true then.

The Bug: Yet a day later, the Morrisons were photographed at a US military resort that was apparently a 20-minute drive from Honolulu International Airport.

PMO official: We saw that too. That was an accusation made by some member of the public on Twitter. Some hero with a keyboard just itching to take down our nation’s PM.

The Bug: You think social media is an unreliable source of information?

PMO official: You should never believe anything you read or see on social media.

The Bug: Why?

PMO official: Because we can’t control it like we can the mainstream media.

The Bug: So people should never believe anything they read on social media?

PMO official: Only believe it if it’s on @ScottMorrisonMP.

The Bug: I see. Now, the PMO also put out a lot of nonsense that flights were fully booked and the PM was trying his best to catch an early flight but was finding it difficult. Are we really expected to believe the leader of our nation couldn’t get off an island when he wanted to?

PMO official: Well, look….

The Bug: I mean, he got off this island and onto Hawaii when he wanted to! Plus, he’s got his own recently tarted-up $250 million RAAF jet, for fuck’s sake.

PMO official: Well, look, I can answer that.

The Bug: Okay.

(Long silence)

The Bug: Well?

PMO official: Sorry. I was just tweeting on the PM’s official account about meeting firefighters. Look, we really do need to finish this up.

The Bug: So any accusations that the PMO practises the doctrine of trickle-down fibbery from the very top is totally wrong?

PMO official: And very hurtful too. Honesty is always the best policy.

The Bug: Thanks for your time today.

PMO official: My pleasure. And please note that everything we’ve said here is for your background information and is not to be published.

The Bug: You’re kidding right?

PMO official: Not at all. Why would I want to lie to you about that? Do you think I would have called the PM a dumb cunt if there was any possible chance that my frank and totally honest assessment would be used? You are hereby directed to not use any part of this interview until or unless we notify you that it’s okay to do so.

The Bug: You’re kidding right?

PMO official: Not at all. Why would I want to lie to you when there’s no real need to?