Which of the two hamburgers pictured above would you rather eat?
The one on the left? Of course you would. It’s a no-brainer, isn’t it? Looks far scrummier than the other piss-poor excuse for a burger meal.
But take another look at the one on the left, from a Hungry Jack’s TV commercial.
How many beef patties can you see there? Hands up only. No shouting out.
You up the back there? That’s right. Two. TWO beef patties, separated by gorgeous chunks of oozy, yummy cheese! More cheese on top, too. Talk about value for money!
It’s a bit hard to see so you’ll have to take my word for it but the one at the right, purchased at Ballina Hungry Jack’s the other day, is also a tropical whopper.
Yes, I know. It certainly is.
And it certainly had only ONE beef patty. Trust me. I took some time using my thumbnails to separate the sucker, just in case there were two patties fused together by a loving chef.
But no such luck. Just the one. Whether it was Angus, Brahman or the lips, ears and vulva of dried up old Jersey cows is not today’s topic.
Many of you much younger folk would not remember back to such days but there was indeed a time when the actual motor in the car you were buying was the key factor in making up your mind. Silly, I know, but there you have it.
Now, of course, cars are advertised for their pinktooth recidivicity or the 40cm sat-nav/hologram entertainment screen. Or its colour. But you could imagine the outrage back in my day if you studied all the car models, had test drives and then bought, say, what you thought was a four-cylinder, 1200cc Kia Kapoot only to get it home and find it only had two cylinders and its 1100cc engine couldn’t pull the skin of a custard pudding!
Well, that’s how I felt at Ballina when the TWO-pattie burger I was expecting turned out to have only ONE sadly orphaned pattie! It left a bad taste in the mouth.
Now, look at those images again. What else do you find striking about them?
That’s right. The one on the left is just about twice as high as it is wide!
The one on the left is, more or less, twice as wide as it is high.
As already explained, the lack of the SECOND pattie does put the actual purchased hamburger at a disadvantage from the get-go.
Can you see other things that helped make the advertised burger such a tall tale?
My goodness, Johhny, so much interest is very unusual for you. But okay?
That’s right. The pineapple slice.
You youngsters might not remember this either but, geez, I used to love eating those big Golden Circle pineapple rings out of the tin. The one on the promo burger looks just like one of those.
The one from the actual store tropical whopper (right) looked like it was prepare by one of those microscopic medical tissue specimen slicers.
Same with the tomato. Look at those two big juicy slices of tomato on the promo burger – what do you reckon – a good 2cm thick?
Pictured below is the total tomato offering in the other specimen.
And the bacon ? See the lashes of rashers on the TV promo shot. They’re making a real pig of themselves, poking out from the burger’s outside edge all round the bugger by, what would you reckon, a good two centimetres as well?
There were a few bits of bacon in the Ballina burger but it was still almost possible to believe that no real animal of the porcine persuasion was harmed in the making of that particular meal.
And all the green stuff on the promo image? There’s enough there to feed an over-crowded rabbits hutch for a week. The image on the right makes you wonder if the colour green ever really existed.
So, in summary, I felt totally cheated and conned by my Ballina tropical whopper burger. It was nothing like what Hungry Jack’s promised in that TV ad and in its store pictures above the servery.
And apart from anything else, it was one of the shittiest hamburgers I’ve ever eaten…. and I also go to McDonald’s!
But there’s always a bright side to every story, right?
Although I bought a meal deal, the sweet young thing behind the counter said the stand-not-very-tall-alone tropical burger would have cost $8.05!
Imagine how much I would have had to fork out if it had looked anything like the advertised product?