PM back and ready for action


Prime Minister Scott Morrison has returned to Australia vowing that he is now totally focussed on the bushfire crisis facing the nation.

Arriving from Hawaii early this morning, the Prime Minister held a news conference in the arrivals hall of Sydney International Airport (main picture).

“Aloha,” he began. “Pehea ‘oe? He la nani keia la. Maholo haku no keia nani la.”

At that, the assembled reporters asked the PM’s media minders if they could ask him to refrain from speaking in tongues for once, only to be told that Mr Morrison was speaking Hawaiian.

His remarks translated by his staff were: “How are you? Today is a beautiful day. Thank you Lord for this beautiful day.”

The PM continued: “I have returned from Hawaii, leaving my family behind to enjoy its golden sandy beaches, crystal blue waters, and the amazing natural beauty of its many lush green islands.

“You wouldn’t believe how lovely the weather is there right now. I mean 26-degree days, beautiful warm and sunny days. Ideal for surfing, and the local food’s just fantastic. How good is Hawaii?”

At the instruction of his staff, the PM turned his attention to the bushfire crisis in Australia.

“I have come back to Australia — at my own initiative, I might add — to be fully briefed on the bushfire situation,” he said.

“Once that’s done I hope to be back on a plane and winging back to the Paradise of the Pacific to join Jen and the girls and to get away from this dreadful smoke and heat that feels like…..”

The PM’s staffers interrupted at that point, telling the reporters that Mr Morrison needed to wrap up the news conference and head to Kirribilli House.

“Kirribilli? Sounds almost Hawaiian doesn’t it?” Mr Morrison said while picking up a souvenir ukulele he had carried off his plane and breaking into a few bars of the Elvis Presley hit Blue Hawaii before seguing into the Don Ho classic Pearly Shells, and making a solid attempt at the theme from Hawaii Five-O.

Mr Morrison’s minders then shepherded him away to a waiting car but not before the PM turned to the media scrum and said: “Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau‘oli Makahiki Hou.”

A minder turned to the gathered reporters and said simply: “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”