Name new Labour leader now: UK media

UKPOLL DINKUS

LONDON: The UK’s right-wing media are demanding to know who the new Labour Party leader will be so they can immediately begin their next five-year campaign of character assassination and vilification.

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LONDON: Re-elected Prime Minister Boris Johnson has proudly released the new flag of Not-Quite-As-Great Britain in readiness for Scotland leaving the union as soon as possible.

boris with new uk flag - net

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LONDON: Major UK newspapers are reporting that defeated UK Labour Party leader “and rabid antisemite” Jeremy “Comrade” Corbyn has refused to answer media questions as he prepared to fly out from Heathrow Airport to permanent exile at his dacha near Moscow.