UK polls all point to Boris win

UKPOLL DINKUSLONDON: The final major opinion polls are in on the eve of the United Kingdom general election and they all point to a comfortable  win for Boris Johnson and the Conservatives.

In fact, UK psephologists say it’s the first time in the history of political polling in the UK that the pollsters have all fallen on just one side of the UK political divide, despite the traditional print-media divisions in that country.

Across the board, all polls are predicting a solid Conservative majority with voters clearly determined to “see Brexit done, whatever the consequences”.

In a first, all major polling companies providing data to the right-wing media that includes The Sun, The Telegraph, The Times and The Sunday Times, the Daily Mail and the BBC asked the exact same question and all those pollsters are predicting a comfortable outright majority of 25 to 30 seats for Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s Tories.

Combined, these pollsters canvassed more than 200,000 Britons with one simple question: “Will you be voting for that harmless, lightweight fop Boris Johnson who’s rather amusing in his own quaint way even if he’s a compulsive liar who seems incapable of holding a coherent thought or focus on any one issue for more than a few seconds and clearly has no idea how to execute a Brexit deal that doesn’t entirely wreck this nation’s economic future but at least he wants to see an end to the whole sorry mess that David Cameron created and in return we’ll get a regular laugh at his never-ending publicity stunts over the next five years that will be even more cringeworthy than this week’s Love Actually embarrassment although that’s very hard to believe, or Jeremy Corbyn, arguably the greatest threat to the future of Great Britain since the Blitz and why Vera Lynn hasn’t died of shame during this campaign is beyond belief given the fact that she must be totally shattered to know that this once proud nation she sang to save could even be toying with the idea of putting into power a monster who clearly wants to plunge our glorious motherland into a socialist wasteland where any decent citizens who want to better themselves will be shot on sight.”

On the other side of the political divide, pollsters for the likes of The Guardian, The Independent, The Observer and on good days the Daily Mirror also opted to pose a common question: “Would you be prepared to vote for Jeremy Corbyn and Labour if we all undertake to do everything in our power in the months ahead to force Corbyn out of Number 10 and put in someone who’s much nicer and who doesn’t have a beard and who’s not obsessed with some silly notion of looking after the poor at the expense of the middle and upper classes that will remain forever more the backbone of Great Britain?”

Those polls also pointed to a 25 to 30 seats majority to the Conservatives.