Exclusive: Dutton’s near-fatal mixup

HEALTH CRISIS:

Minister for Home Affairs Peter Dutton has been the victim of a dreadful case of mistaken identity that almost cost him his life.

The Bug can reveal the almost fatal mix-up happened late yesterday as Minister Dutton was standing just outside a major hospital operating theatre where surgeons had just excised an enormous festering and putrid boil from an obese patient.

The minister at the time had been inspecting the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital to make sure no “malingering asylum seekers” remained there following the  repeal of the Medevac legislation in Federal Parliament.

But as Mr Dutton paused in a restricted passageway to ponder which ward to monster next in his search for “illegal malingerers”,  hospital staff mistook him for the giant unlanced boil that they had been told had been placed outside the OR for disposal.

Before the minister’s minders could hurry over and intervene, the orderlies had wrapped him in biohazard sheeting and strapped him onto a gurney.

Mr Dutton is believed to have been half way to the hospital’s body waste disposal crematorium before he could tear off the material and angrily order the staff to “stand still with their hands against the wall and await Australian Border Force arrest and interrogation”.

One of the orderlies defended their actions, describing Mr Dutton as clearly looking like nothing more than a “pustule with dead eyes”.

“Anyone could have made the same mistake we made. We acted to protect hospital staff, patients and visitors from what we clearly thought was a bio-hazard of lethal proportions.”