Fake Rapture fools PM


Scott Morrison has been left red-faced and humiliated after mistaking the apocalyptic fires he had witnessed in central NSW as the onset of the Rapture he expects any day now from his Pentecostal teachings.

Totally misreading the situation, the Prime Minister hastily flew back to Sydney from Taree and ordered a RAAF helicopter to collect his wife and daughters from their home in the Shire, along with Hillside Church Pastor Brian Houston, his family and accountant.

Australia’s No.1 family and the Houston group were then flown without any problem to Launceston and taken by car to Cradle Mountain in Tasmania’s northern highlands where they climbed quickly to the very top.

This is apparently exactly where Pastor Houston had been told by God Almighty – well, everything was so rushed it might have been the Holy Spirit – that everyone chosen to be saved was to assemble so God and his only Son the Good Lord Jesus Christ could then spirit them to heaven.

A national parks officer who saw the Morrison and Houston families standing in a group at the very top of Cradle Mountain said: “It was kinda spooky watching them, their heads lifted to heaven, their right arms extended and a look of absolute calmness and serenity as they prepared for a damn fine rapturing.

“Mr Morrison was heard to chant:  ‘Um mau mau mau mau Um mau mau mau mau Um mau mau mau mau’ and you could see in the children’s eyes that they knew this was the real thing.

“The PM then said: ‘Coochi Coocha Tama Tara Clara Clera Cama Catchy Camy Wacky Brown’ before turning to his family and adding: Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob I am the eggman, they are the eggmen I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.’

“I think they all knew that meant ‘not long now’,” the ranger said.