Deputy PM recants on ‘visit the bush’ plea

THE DROUGHT:

Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack has been left with egg all over his face (pictured) after being forced to backtrack on his plea made earlier this week for city folk to head west and “splash some cash” to help “drought-ravished” country towns and regions.

“My call has proved an unmitigated disaster and it’s all due to those fucking stingy grey nomads from the cities, if you’ll pardon the French,” the normally quiet-spoken McCormack told The Bug from his office in his NSW electorate of Riverina.

“They’ve come out to places like Stanthorpe in southern Queensland and Tenterfield and other struggling towns all the way down throughout outback NSW and, quite frankly, have given fuck-all help to those struggling communities. Once again, sorry for the French.

“They ask publicans if they can camp behind their pubs and hint that they’ll be spending up big in the bar and dining rooms but then have a Fourex Gold midi each before sneaking back to their campervans to prepare their two-minute noodles and drink their five-litre Berri casks of a red or white blend.

“They do offer some money to use the pub’s shower block and then fucking spend 12 to 15 minutes in there singing their hearts out.

“And during the day, they top up their water tanks and do all their shitting and pissing in town public lavatories. You can almost see our local dam – once again, sorry! – levels falling as they flush merrily away with nary a thought for the plight of locals.

“Fair dinkum, I think these selfish cunts are worse than when the missus and I and other cruise ship passengers wander the streets of third-world countries and pretend to be interested in buying the shit seashell necklaces and knitwear crap the poor local people are trying to flog to eke out a living, all the while keeping our eye on the time so we can all rush back to the ship for lunch.”

Mr McCormack said that what hurt him most about the grey nomads’ indifference to the plight of rural folk was that “people in the bush as agrarian socialists have always supported their city cousins in their own battles as they strive to survive on shit wages and part-time jobs”.

“It would be nice to see that care and thoughtfulness being repaid in kind.

“So my message to those selfish, self-centred city slickers is simple: please, still come out and help out our struggling farmers and graziers and town traders but bring all the bottled water you’ll need for the entire trip and, for fuck’s sake, take all your human wastes back east with you.

“Do all your shitting and pissing in your campervans, even if they don’t have toilets.

“And would it really hurt that much to buy a few flat whites in a struggling town cafe or enjoy a traditional rissoles and veggies meal in one of those cafes or pubs?”