How not to keep up with the Joneses


Winning England coach Eddie Jones has revealed the secret tactic he employed to beat reigning world champions All Blacks in Japan overnight – he made his players sing the England national anthem not only out loud but with gusto.

“Have you ever thought about the words to that heap of shit?” Jones confided to The Bug by telephone after the semi-final victory. “That’s exactly what I put to the boys in the sheds. I had them so riled up I’m surprised our first try took more than a minute after kick-off.

“I said to them before we ran out: ‘In a few minutes you’re going to sing that a little 93 year old biddy, no matter how sweet she is, could run out here and beat the Kiwis.

“You’re going to have to sing about a woman whose only claim to fame is whose hole she popped out of, while your opponents are going to sing about their nation and how proud they are of it.

“And you know what? I don’t want any mumbling out there. I want you to sing those silly, stupid words with gusto and spirit and really, really think about how outdated and stupid they are in 21st Century Great Britain.

“Oh, and we’ll form a V for victory formation as the All Blacks do their haka just to put them off a bit.”

Below: an England player clearly shows his embarrassment after singing that he wanted to send Queen Elizabeth “victorious happy and glorious” although he wasn’t quite sure where.


pom embarrassed - net