Check out at Woolies

anews in brief dinkus

New price killer

Supermarket giant Woolworths is entering the funeral market with rival Coles expected to follow suit soon.

The new offering  (main picture) will be marketed under the slogan “Check out at Woolies” and is expected to undercut existing operators in the lucrative funeral industry.

Both national grocery retailers have been planning their new offering for several months, according to a senior retail sector source who asked not to be named.

“As both chains have been revamping their stores across the nation Woollies and Coles have been centralising many of their operations that previously occurred in-store,” the source said.

“They have now found they have surplus butchery and bakery facilities in stores that they can repurpose for body storage and cremation.

“So it makes sense not to waste those facilities but to put them to good use and make some money off them by offering funeral services.”

Charity faces bias claim

A Brisbane academic has accused national charity Movember of being “sexist and genderist” and plans to challenge the event under anti-discrimination laws.

movemberThe academic (pictured) – who prefers the pronoun “it” – is a lecturer in feminist studies at Griffith University who refuses to apply any name to  itself or others “because names are an artificial construct of the dominant patriarchal capitalistic hegemony”, said Movember was clearly a discriminatory event.

It said its planned legal challenge to the event would hopefully open it up in the future to all five sexes.



Resign offer rejected

The offer by New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to resign after the All Blacks’ shock loss in the semi-finals of the World Rugby Cup has been rebuffed by a surge of support from her citizens.

The New Zealand Government’s website has reportedly been flooded with thousands of Kiwis begging her to stay.

Typical of the sentiments was one supportive text: “Please stay. After rugby union, a few fiords and some boiling mud, you’re all we’ve got.”