New pill fails to crack the big time


The world’s leading marketers of erectile dysfunction pills have dodged a major commercial bullet because a new rival product has been found to be defective – but only because it’s too effective!

Shares in Pfizer (Viagra) and Eli Lilly and Company (Cialis) slumped several months ago when new pharmaceutical giant on the block Targeted Tumescence Pty Ltd introduced its new product, Flaccidoff.

A spokesman for one of the original big boys told The Bug: “To be honest, our shares dropped faster than, how to you Aussies put it, Grade 12 students’ underwear and knickers at Schoolies.”

The only difference among these drugs is how long they help a man’s system to stay up.

Industry experts say Viagra lasts about four to six hours and Cialis claims up to 18 hours, yet the marketing for the new Flaccidoff bright orange pill bragged of “two-to-three days of hardness you could knock loudly on a door with!”

And hence the problem.

Targeted Tumescence Pty Ltd has been hit by a wave of civil actions from men seeking financial compensation after being forced to miss lucrative job interviews, expensive holiday flights and teacher-parent discussion nights.

One man involved in just one of the class actions told The Bug: “Flaccidoff was amazing.

“I cracked half a mongrel just thinking about Flaccidoff half an hour before I even popped my first one.”

“But three days later, I could still do a pretty good impersonation of an American Indian teepee simply while lying in bed and I still had to hire a maxicab if I wanted to go anywhere.”