Tricked diners say: ‘Well, burger me!’

CONSUMERISM:

Hungry Jack’s Australia has stunned its fast-food rivals with the launch of a brand-new burger with a pattie that vegetarians will swear is made completely of aubergine as marketed – even though it’s actually 100 per cent beef!

Using the clever slogan “the vegan burger that’s actually for you”, Hungry Jack’s “green burger” drips with animal fats that even vegans won’t detect, such is the excellent job the company’s food technicians and scientists have done to disguise its beefy origins.

“I can’t believe it’s not eggplant,” one customer said at a Hungry Jack’s outlet in Ipswich, Queensland, when told by The Bug what the burger he was happily hoeing into was actually made of – the lips, noses and rectal rings of aged Angus cows.

“You’re pulling my leg, right? That had the taste, texture and aroma just like I imagined an eggplant pattie would have if it had been grilled on an open flame and served on a seeded if slightly stale bun with lettuce, tomato and a nice sauce.”

The Hungry Jack’s initiative has met with the approval of one of the nation’s most successful marketers.

Regular panelist on the ABC’s Gruen program, Russel Howcroft from PwC, told The Bug: “This is a great ad, yeah? It’s got everything that a successful pitch needs: good-looking people, catchy slogan and music and it’s totally deceptive and misleading. What’s not to love about it, yeah?

“They just now need to spend an obscene shitload of money marketing the new product and maybe doing some fresh ads too with a top-shelf agency.

“It’s a win-win for everybody. I’m assuming Hungry Jack’s worked out that a fake vegetarian burger using cheap cuts of beef was cheaper to make than a real one, what with the drought-ravaged agricultural sector we have at the moment, yeah?

“And the vegan fruitloops can chomp away thinking they’re getting what they asked for yet won’t end up suffering from iron and other vitamin deficiencies if they just ate fucking rabbit food all their dreary lives, yeah?

“The only downsides for Hungry Jack’s of the new aubergine burger is one:  apparently it tastes like shit so repeat sales are going to be a problem.

“And two: their brand could suffer if vegans ever caught on to the fact that they are being tricked, even if it’s for their own good. Yeah?”

The  Bug understands Hungry Jack’s plans to extend its range of veggie burgers to lentil and tofu-based offerings, made from the hooves and tails of dried-up old dairy cows.