A simpler, easier time fondly recalled

Has political correctness and the #metoo movement taken some of the vim and vitality out of the way men and women talk harmlessly to one another in the modern world, as argued yesterday by ABC chair Ita Buttrose?

Well, now The Bug can sensationally shed some light as to why Ms Buttrose made such comments on ABC TV’s NewsBreakfast program. “We don’t talk to each other the way we used to … we’re far too sensitive, I think,” she told Michael Rowland.

The Bug late yesterday was handed a sensational tape of a conversation between Ms Buttrose and Australian Consolidated Press head Sir Frank Packer and his son Kerry not long after Sir Frank appointed her editor of the new women’s magazine, Cleo.

The Bug understands the conversation took place in the ACP headquarters in inner-Sydney in 1972.

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Sir Frank: Ita, Come on in. We need to chew the fat.

Ita: Fwank, I think we need to keep our relationthhip purely professional at this stage, don’t you?

Sir Frank: Sorry … what? No, not that … silly girl. I mean we need to talk about where we’re going with Cleo.

Ita: Thorry. How Frghtfully prethumptious of moi.

Sir Frank: Yes, heaven’s above. I’m 65, for goodness’s sake, I’m old enough to be your sugar daddy!

Ita: Besides, you know I’m unhappily married and about to have my second child.

Sir Frank: Exactly. It’s not mine, is it? Anyway, I’ve asked my idiot son Kerry to join us … I want you two to work together closely to make sure Cleo really takes off. Still don’t like the name. What was wrong with my idea, the Women’s Monthly? Oh, here’s …..um…

Ita: Kewwy.

Sir Frank: Yes, Kewwy….. I mean, Kerry, now.

Kerry: Hello father. Oh, hi Rita.

Ita: Ita.

Kerry: Lovely Ita Meter Made. (sounds of kisses being exchanged)

Ita: Oooh. You’re a lip kisser.

Kerry: You’ve got any problems with that, honey?

Ita: No, not at all. The tongue action came as a bit of a suthprise though.

Kerry: Father, I’ve just been on the phone to my idiot brother Clyde. He rang to tell me about the latest kaftan he bought. But boy, the things he’s saying about you; I think it’s very sad the way you two have fallen out. I really do hope you two can kiss and make up yourselves. Anyway, what’s up, guys?

Sir Frank: I want you two to work closely together to make Cleo the success I know it will be.

Kerry: We certainly can do that. Did you know, Ita, my office is right about yours. You’ve already been beavering away right under me now for weeks now and you didn’t even know it.

Ita: Oh, Kewwy you’re incowagible. You’re theriously wicked.

Kerry: Bullmore by name. Bull at the gate by nature. I hear you’ve decided to go with Jack Thompson with for Cleo’s first centrefold?

Ita: Yes, the shots are amazing.

Kerry: I must say I was a little hurt, Ita, that you didn’t consider me for the role, although I suppose the expense would have been prohibitive…

Ita: What we would have had to pay you?

Kerry: No. The cost of the extra large staples to cover, you know, what I have to offer.

Ita: Oh, Kewwy, you’re such a kidder. Do you always do an exaggerated crotch gwab every time you make a snide wemark or double entendre?

Kerry: Always. You’d be playing with it all the time too Ita if you had the junk I’ve been blessed with.

Sir Frank: Anyway, I’ll leave you young people to get at it. Maybe the three of us could get together later for a sandwich?

Ita: Oh, Frank! Thtop it.

Sir Frank leaves.

Kerry: You’d have no objections from me there!

Ita: Okay. Can I get you a cup of coffee before we start.

Kerry: The only hot thing I want in my hands right now is you, lovely Ita ready to be made!

Ita: Kewwy please. You know I’m unhappily married and about to have my…

Kerry: But seriously sweetie, can’t you feel there’s some special going on here between the two of us?

Ita: Some sort of fwisson?

Kerry: That too, maybe. I can certainly feel something growing right now!

Ita: Oh Kewwy, you’re such a kidder.

Kerry: But seriously though. Look at me. What’s there not to like? You’ve got to admit there’s a certain rugged handsomeness to me?

Ita: Maybe rugged’s not exactly the right word?

Kerry: Father tells me I’m going to inherit everything when he dies.
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Ita: I’ve always thought beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Do you want to look over the book for the next issue of Cleo now or maybe we should go for a dwink first?

Kerry: Good idea. Do you mind if I give you an affectionate pat on the bottom as we leave the room.

Ita: Not at all, Kewwy. I’ll see it purely as the spontaneous, kind and fwiendly gesture it is.