Birth of a new Qld political force

STATE POLITICS:

“How good is LNP Lite?” Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk declared last night.

Hands held triumphantly in the air, the Sunshine State leader proudly unveiled the logo (above) of the new political party she has formed and which she believes will deliver her a third term in government at the next state election on October 31, 2020.

The glittering unveiling took place in one of her favourite eateries, the Flaming Dragon Chinese restaurant that also does takeaways, in the heart of her Brisbane electorate of Inala.

All of her colleagues in the former Queensland Labor Party have moved across to LNP Lite, which Ms Palaszczuk declared “the new vibrant force in Queensland conservative politics”.

She was introduced by inaugural LNP Lite state president Gautam Adani who argued that only LNP Lite could ensure Queensland’s economic prosperity well into the future.

“We might have a new name and a new vision but we must always remember our roots,”Ms Palaszczuk told the cheering crowd as they hoed into a sumptuous banquet for only $45pp.

“The trade union movement will always have a vital role in Queensland as long as they behave themselves and stay off our streets.”

She said nothing better summed up her new LNP Lite party than its slogan “Conservatism with a conscience” even though “we had also tinkered with ‘The Coal Standard’ and ‘Going for Coal’.

“I can’t think of any better example than those shameful comments by Opposition education spokesperson Jarrod Bleijie that kids who wagged school over alleged climate change on Friday should be taken out the back of the ablutions block first thing Monday and shot.

“There will be no role under a LNP Lite government I lead for that sort of reactionary nonsense.

“If kids don’t want to stay in school and better themselves, they should all simply be expelled and made to work down a mine in the Galilee Basin for a few years to sort themselves out and do something positive for the state.

“A small but reasonable percentage of fatalities through rockfalls and lung disease might make some of these kids more appreciative of the value of a good education,” she said to another standing ovation.

The LNP Lite launch lasted late into the night and after fried ice-cream and lychees, party members stood solemnly for a minute, hands on hearts with some wiping away tears, as a striking image of LNP Lite patron Rupert Murdoch flickered on a giant screen at the back of the restaurant near the toilets.