Peppa spray for star’s new owners

BUSINESS:

The US$4 billion acquisition of the Canadian company that produces the internationally popular children’s TV cartoon Peppa Pig has prompted an angry outburst by the show’s star.

In a hastily called news conference, a clearly tired and emotional Peppa Pig (main picture) said she was shocked at the news that Entertainment One, the company which made her program, had been bought out by US-based toy manufacturer Hasbro.

“Hasbro is just a low-rent bunch of unimaginative plastic pushers that make crap products like Mister Potato Head and My Little Pony,” Ms Pig declared.

“If Hasbro thinks it can leverage my success and popularity and my wholesome image  to help prop up those has-beens, then they can crap in both their hands and clap.

“People don’t know but Mister Potato Head is a vegetable, in more ways than one. He’s been in a coma in a vegetative state since he had a massive stroke just after he made his debut in 1952.

“They’ve always had to use a lookalike when they make the Toy Story films, otherwise kids would see an emaciated, mindless, mute, drooling lump of starch on their screens.

“As for My Little Pony, she has a habit of just shitting whenever and wherever the mood takes her.

“I’ve seen her on set just stop cold in the middle of filming, lift her ribboned tail and let drop an avalanche of steaming, stinking dung that has blowflies all over it in seconds.

“I refuse to share a stage or a toy store shelf with either of them,” Ms Pig said before belching loudly, chocking back vomit, and collapsing on the floor in a pool of her own urine.