Meals power new business

MANUFACTURING:

A Sydney mechanic has expanded his engine reconditioning business by cornering a previously untapped new market created by the boom in online food delivery services.

Llew Brication (main picture) said the upsurge in home meal delivery apps for mobile devices had generated a boom in the need for underpowered motorised scooters and lightweight motorbikes which he has met by inventing the world’s first half-cylinder, one-stroke engine.

But there’s a mean-spirited, vindictive side to Mr Brication’s project. He detests the entire concept of home-delivered food and he hopes even slower delivery scooters will cause even more anger among motorists and hasten the industry’s demise.

In other words, he’ll be happy if his project fails ultimately.

“More and more people are sitting at home on their fat arses and using just their fat little fingers, and not even all of them, to tap apps on their mobile phones to buy meals,” Mr Brication explained.

“They’re doing that instead of getting off their fat arses and walking to the kitchen to cook something themselves.

“The most effort they make is to get up off their fat arses and walk to their front door to take delivery of their meal.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that the companies behind these home delivery services prefer to have their meals delivered by lowly paid workers riding grossly underpowered scooters or motorbikes.

“If you’ve ever been driving behind one you’ll know their top speed is about 22kph, or even lower if they are carrying food at the time.

“That happened to me many times before I realised that there was a whole new market in making annoyingly slow and almost powerless vehicles specifically for that market.

“Your average scooter or motorbike can have an engine with one, two, four, six, or even eight cylinders with engine capacities from 50cc to 850cc or more.

“But I devised  a plan to convert any of those to make what was previously thought to be impossible — a half-cylinder, one-stroke, 15cc engine.

“The design and manufacturing process is top secret and I hope to patent it soon.

“I can confidently say that every driver on just about every road in the nation will soon be stuck behind  a scooter powered by my engine, or underpowered more correctly,” Mr Brication said.

“And meals delivered to homes by the likes of Uber Eats and Deliveroo will arrive even colder than they are now, as hard as that might be to believe.

“If fast food is a killer, really slow food will be much, much worse.”