A nation mourns Tim’s passing

BREAKING NEWS:

CANBERRA: The death of former Deputy Prime Minister Tim Fischer has saddened an entire nation, forced by his passing to reflect on a time when Australian politicians were kind, thoughtful and instinctively knew what the decent thing to do was without relying on a posse of poll-driven, wet-behind-the-ears, inexperienced policy advisers with fuck-all life skills and who were only interested in one thing: getting a safe seat of their own one day.

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WASHINGTON: US President Donald Trump has abruptly cancelled the much-vaunted formal state dinner he had planned to host for Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison next month.

The banquet at the White House in mid-September would have been only the second time an Australian leader had been so feted since George W Bush hosted John “Man of Steel” Howard and his wife Janette in 2006.

The Bug has been reliably informed that an angry Mr Trump called off the Morrison invitation after his offer to buy Australia was rebuffed by senior Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade officials earlier this week.