God angry at Archbishop

VICTORIAN POLITICS:

God has made a rare intervention in Australian politics by speaking out against the stand taken by Melbourne’s Catholic Archbishop on a proposed new Victorian child abuse law.

The Victorian Parliament is considering a Bill introduced this week that would make it mandatory for priests to report to authorities instances of suspected child abuse, even if such information was revealed in the confessional.

God (main picture) gave her full backing to the new law through a personal message she sent directly to all true Christians throughout Australia.

“I am very disturbed by reports that the Catholic Archbishop of Melbourne, Archbishop Peter Comensoli, is saying he will not abide by the new law, and he will not break the Catholic tradition of the sanctity of the confessional,” God said.

“Instead, Archbishop Comensoli says he would encourage someone who confessed to child abuse to report themselves to the police.

“He says he would then wait until he and an offender were outside the confessional before asking the offender to repeat their admission which the Archbishop would then be free to report to police himself.”

God said such an approach was “typical semantic bullshit from the Catholic Church’s hierarchy”.

“What planet are Catholic Church leaders living on?” she said. “Certainly not the one that I spent the best part of a week creating.

“I want everyone to obey this new law once it’s passed. This law has my full support, and I have made that clear to Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews in his conversations with me.

“As a Catholic, Daniel has spoken with me countless times over his life and I have come to know him as a person holding a genuine Christian commitment to protecting the innocent and bringing wrongdoers to justice.

“That’s more than I can say about senior leaders of the Catholic Church who’ve let thousands of child abusers in their own ranks to evade the law while their victims pay a terrible price,” God said.

“Please, let’s just get this done for Me’s sake.”

When contacted, Prime Minister Scott Morrison said he had no comment to make because all  of God’s messages came to him in tongues and he had heard nothing from above about the proposed Victorian law.