Britain’s new Union Jack revealed


 A beaming UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has unveiled his country’s new ensign should a no-deal Brexit take place as expected on October 31.

The new Union Jack has had the blue cross of St Andrews of Scotland and its white bits removed from its design, in readiness for the almost-certain departure of Scotland from Great Britain under a no-deal Brexit.

“I say, chaps – and chappettes – it looks all rather spiffing, what!” Mr Johnson told media on the lawns of Westminster Abbey just near the Palace of Westminster.

The new Union Jack retains the red St. George Cross of English flag and the red diagonal cross of St Patrick representing Ireland after the union of 1801. The white bits associated with those two design features have been cleverly retained.

“Of course I could veto another referendum up north but that would just make those bloody Scots madder than they already are,” Mr Johnson said.

“No. It’s best just to let them go their own way. You can never understand what they’re saying anyway. It’ll be no big loss. They can keep their haggis and we’ll still import their scotch.

“And we’ll move our submarine base at Faslane on the Clyde down to Liverpool just to teach the buggers a lesson. No biggie.”

Plans were well under way to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall if Scotland does leave the union.

“It will be yuge,” Mr Johnson said.

The PM said that while the blue of the St Andrews cross had for centuries represented vigilance, truth, loyalty, perseverance and justice, those attributes “will not be missed in any British government I lead”.

The Bug understands the only stumbling block is division within Johnson’s Conservative Cabinet about what the country should be called once Scotland leaves the Union.

“I rather favoured Littler Britain, what, but some my colleagues pointed out that could lead to ridicule through references to a certain television program,” Mr Johnson said.

“Lesser Britain is now in the mix, as is Ununited Britain and Not-so-Great Britain.

“Maybe we’ll have a referendum to decide which one would be best.”