FitzSimons sent for HIA

anews in brief dinkus

SPORTS EDITION:

RUGBY UNION: Concerned doctors have sent former Wallaby Peter FitzSimons (pictured at top) for a mandatory head injury assessment to try to determine why he thought his joke in his Fitz on Sunday column in today’s The Sun-Herald (below) was the least bit funny.

fitz rugby joke - net

We know. We know. Two Aussie mates camping it up on the other side of Brokeback Mountain and one of them automatically assumes, along with the rest of Australia, that the Wallabies would have lost last night’s Test in Perth.

We appreciate that FitzSimons would have selected the joke well before the match but, nevertheless, our thighs at The Bug are already bruised black and blue and still we can’t stop slapping them.

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CRICKET: Some Aussies have already proved themselves big winners out of next weekend’s Ashes Test at Lord’s with the decision by all British online bookies to pay out immediately on any wager that Cameron Bancroft would score less than a total of 20 runs in both innings.

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RUGBY UNION: Michael Cheika has handed over all the photographs after Rugby Australia announced overnight his appointment as Wallabies coach for life.

“I’m glad to get rid of them after all this time to be honest,” Cheika admitted as he left his Perth hotel this morning. “I would have hated for my kids to have ever stumbled onto them.”

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CRICKET: British bookmakers have slashed the odds of an England win in the upcoming Lord’s Ashes Test by half – they are now at 6-1 – after Steve Smith announced he would bat left-handed in both innings.