Boris Johnson is now set to be Britain’s next prime minister after issuing a long-awaited public explanation of an incident at his London home involving his partner Carrie Symonds that was recorded by a neighbour and sent to the media.
Political observers say the statement and accompanying photographic evidence issued by Mr Johnson should see him win the Conservative Party leadership in a landslide and with it the keys to 10 Downing Street as UK PM.
“The sound recording by a neighbour of a supposedly loud physical confrontation with Ms Symonds actually proves I am innocent of any wrongdoing,” Mr Johnson’s statement said.
“Carrie and I were not arguing. In fact quite the opposite. We were just engaged in some good old fashioned British rumpy-pumpy.
“As usual, I was frocked up in seductive and silky, frilly, girlie lingerie (main picture) and she was kitted out in a full leather bodysuit and was wielding a whip on my bottom because I had been a very, very naughty little girl.
“She was berating and punishing me for spilling red wine on the couch and making a mess of our house, as she does whenever we get a chance to indulge our S&M desires like all good Tories.
“The British Conservative Party has a long and well-documented history of kinky sex scandals among its MPs and I am proud to uphold that tradition.
“I will continue to do so if I am honoured enough to be elected party leader and take my seat as prime minister, once my welts heal of course,” the statement said.
Political observers said it was a masterstroke by Mr Johnson to issue the statement and admit to his bizarre sexual proclivities.
“Tories are well known sexual freaks,” said a Conservative Party insider.
“They like nothing better than reliving the beatings and bizarre sexual rituals they were subjected to, but also grew to like, at the various boarding schools they attended – even the men.
“I’m convinced Boris is now assured of being elected with perhaps as much as 90% of the party rank-and-file vote because they’ll view him as being just like them.”
Prior to the release of Mr Johnson’s statement the only other Conservative Party leadership contender, Jeremy Hunt, told reporters he would not be commenting on suggestions of a physical confrontation between Mr Johnson and Ms Symonds.
“It’s a matter that I think is best described as domestic. Violence doesn’t seem to be a part of it,” Mr Hunt said.
“I have never met the young woman involved whom I believe is not his wife. Bashing Boris will not do anybody any good.”