Trump: I will not run again!


United States President Donald J. Trump will not seek a second term at the November 2020 elections.

The shock announcement overnight Australian time has rocked the Grand Old Party, with Republicans believing Trump was a shoo-in for re-election with likely Democrat contender Bernie Sanders expected to die of old age before the run-off.

White House insiders say financial considerations were behind the president’s decision to call it a day, even if it means the controversial Trump could now face charges and possible jail time without the protection of the Oval Office.

“The President has been paying First Lady Melania $1 million a month to hold his hand on the White House lawns, when exiting Air Force One and when arriving at official OS receptions and the like,” a White House source told The Bug. “First of the month the money goes straight into one of her Slovenian accounts.

“Being president has meant Mr Trump has taken his eye of his business interests and he came to the realisation that he simply couldn’t afford the $48 million over the next four-year term.”

The White House source would not disclose what private or personal services required of either party were covered by the monthly payment.

“However, I can say Mr Trump will need to pay his wife a separate and undisclosed lump-sum settlement fee to conclude their current financial arrangement when his first and only term ends,” the source said.

“For simplicity’s sake we’re referring to this as a golden shower handshake.”