The top community awards just keep on coming for re-elected Prime Minister Scott Morrison after his stunning poll win last Saturday week.
Just overnight, news has emerged that Mr Morrison has been granted honorary life membership of the National Union of Total Sociopaths and Sadists.
Only a few days ago, The Bug reported on Mr Morrison’s prestigious life-time bullying achievement award from ABBA, the Australian Bully Boys Association.
For the PM’s latest honour, The Bug talked to NUTSAS executive members as they scoured inner-Sydney streets early this morning for stray dogs to stick lighted fireworks up, homeless people to set alight, dogs to set alight, and homeless people to set alight and stick lighted fireworks up.
NUTSAS general secretary Bud “It’s the dorm handyman here, miss” Tendy said the union’s executive had been unanimous in its admiration for Mr Morrison’s body of work as someone who “clearly doesn’t give a fuck about anyone other than himself and his own particular god”.
“But as far as NUTSAS is concerned two incidents stand out that, quite frankly, had our executive in awe of this amazing, wonderful man.
“The first was in the aftermath of the Christchurch massacres of those towel-head Muslims allegedly at prayer, when Mr Morrison stared down media cameras and called for more tolerance in society for all racial and ethnic groups.
“For someone who has spent years demonising boat people who are mainly Muslims, letting those illegal refugees rot in overseas detention camps with bugger-all hope of ever leaving them, questioning why relatives of drowned asylum seekers should be financially supported to attend their funerals, and pulling a $200 million taxpayer stunt on Christmas Island to do everything in his power to stop those towel-head refugees who claim they need urgent medical treatment to get to the Australian mainland where that treatment is possible shows enormous sociopathic powers.
“All of our NUTSAS executive read out the same statement that Mr Morrison made and we could also do that easy-as without blushing because we’re … well … also sociopaths.
“We kidnapped some normal people off the streets, tied them up and forced them to read the same transcript after telling them all the relevant background information and they invariably blushed and stammered their way through the words.
“Some couldn’t even get halfway through without gagging on their own vomit.
“That’s the point. Normal people who see right from wrong get embarrassed by the total hypocrisy of the words.
“They simply can’t see how anyone with such a track record could even try to score political points by completely whitewashing what’s on the record of a person’s behaviour.
“We thought those normal people were disgustingly honest and decent and they’ve naturally paid a heavy price for that. My best bet is that their bits will never be found.”
NUTSAS chairman Milas “Can I give you a lift anywhere?” Vanat explained the second reason behind the award.
“After the election, we all saw a very statesmanlike Mr Morrison calling for Australian politics to be kinder and less combative and he argued for an end to vicious personal attacks,” he said.
“Here’s a guy who’s spent his every waking moment for years depicting Bill Shorten as a compulsive liar with no worthwhile character traits whatsoever.
“It’s just breathtaking, isn’t it?
“The mobile phones of all our executive started ringing all at once when we saw that speech. We were in awe. We were speechless. The man has no peers in sociopathland.
“The award idea was spontaneous and unanimous. Some executive members even wanted to push Martin Bryant aside and make ScoMo our NUTSAS patron.”
The picture at top shows a beaming PM yesterday with his NUTSAS life membership trophy – a 75% life-sized wooden carving of Ivan Milat’s head on a wooden plinth shaped from one of the legs of “Old Sparky” that dispatched Ted Bundy in Florida in 1989.
Although the award was struck on the election weekend, presentation was delayed as NUTSAS executive took time off for their annual roadsign shooting and shallow-grave site scouting trip in and around Belanglo State Forest.