Media stunt claims Boris Johnson’s life

UK POLITICS:

Boris Johnson, the man most likely to have replaced Theresa May as British Prime Minister early next month, is dead.

In what was to have been his crowning media stunt before taking up residence in Number 10 Downing Street, Johnson’s long-held dream of holding Great Britain’s highest office came crashing down to earth overnight Australian time – literally.

Johnson had planned to announce his candidacy by jumping from a light plane without a parachute some 8000 feet above London.

Miked up for the media and talking of his hopes and plans for Great Britain during his descent, Mr Johnson was meant to position himself to land safely on a giant net on the lawns between the Palace of Westminster and Westminster Abby.

Instead, some bystanders watched horrified as Mr Johnson crashed through the roof of Number 10 half a mile away instead, smashing the beautiful Tudor-era oak table in the cabinet meeting room to pieces before skidding along hallways and punching through the historic front door.

“I guess Boris simply couldn’t wait to take over,” one member of the public said.

Mr Johnson had launched himself from the plane by saying: “This is a small step for one charismatic and charming man…” and had just announced his candidacy when the stunt went horribly wrong.

The ex-SAS major who trained Mr Johnson for the spectacular stunt said it would have gone off without a hitch if the MP had only followed instructions.

“Boris was supposed to use both hands to guide himself to the centre of the safety net. Instead he was holding the Union Jack aloft with one hand and waving to the crowd below with the other.

“A sudden gust of wind off the Thames right at the death didn’t help either.”