Whale watching gets serious

morrie new dinkus 271218

Dear Morrie

This isn’t exactly in the realm of financial advice, but I read where people in Norway recently came upon a beluga whale off the coast wearing a harness around its neck (pictured).moriew whale

It seems the harness was of Russian origin and it has sparked concerns that the animal might have been part of a military program using whales to spy on other countries.

It seems they reckoned the harness might have been used to carry a remote camera or some such device for taking photos of naval or military and other defence facilities. 

It got me wondering if we here in Australia might be exposed to the same sort of activity.

Do you think that might be a risk?


Dear Concerned

I must say I also read the same news story and, like you, the very same question about our nation’s security immediately popped into my mind.

With a federal election just days away I am surprised, or more correctly shocked, that none of our nation’s leaders has taken this potential threat to our way of life seriously.

Plenty of pollies bang on about the people who try to come to our country over the seas.

Those pollies try to give the impression all or some of those wretched individuals are coming here only to blow the place up.

But what about the possible threat from whales let loose by unknown foreign powers to undertake surveillance of what we here in Australia are doing.

Each year we see humpback whales migrating north about this time of year and heading back south by November.

But until now nobody, except the old Morrie, has stopped to ask where exactly do they go up north — North Korea? Russia?

Everyone knows humpbacks get stranded on beaches along our coast in what we have thought, at least until now, is some sort of inexplicable confused act on their part.

But is it just a ruse? Are these humpbacks faking it? Do they deliberately swim ashore to get a better, close-up look at what’s going on here?

Are we being played for suckers when we help them off the beach and back  into the sea so they can happily swim back and report their findings to whoever sent them?

We should know the answers to these question already given how much whales have supposedly been studied over the years.

But have doddering old doco-makers like David Attenborough been taken for a ride too?

Maybe we should have been sending James Bond to study them rather than old Dave and his BBC camera crews.

I’m with you, Concerned of Wollongong. I reckon these beasts need to be scrutinised far more closely than we have done so far.

We must try to identify any sort of whale-based waterborne espionage as soon as we can and I intend to take action if nobody else will.

I have set up a special fund to help me mount a campaign to lobby the federal government and our nation’s spy agencies.

They need to take this threat seriously. The future security of our country may be at risk.

I’ll also need a fat little fund to finance my own spy mission to set sail and follow these sneaky whales to find out the true purpose of their annual, so-called “migration”.

There’s a lot of work to be done and it’ll cost a motza for me to visit resorts….. I mean ports along our entire east coast, travel overseas to liaise with experts, maybe visit Finland, and every so often fly to Canberra or wherever our top spooks hang out to have a chat with them and compare notes.

So if you want to help, just send a donation — one or two Ks at the bare minimum — to my new fund and I’ll get things moving at my end.

Send a cheque made out to Catch A Spying Humpback and I’ll get things started at my end.

Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.

I’ll be in touch.


Morrie Bezzle is executive producer of A View to a Krill (in production), head franchisor of the Tokyo-based Orca B&B chain (formerly Blubber and Baleen R Us Family Restaurants), and general manager of the Blow Hole Gentlemen’s Retreat (Kings Cross) Pty Ltd.