Nine eggs on election night losers


In the spirit of “the boot” and “the shredder”, the Nine Network will be “egging” losing MPs and high-profile candidates on election night.

A spokesperson for the network, Lois Common-Denominator, said Nine had secured the services of Egg Boy and Egg Girl (pictured above during rehearsals) to undertake live egg attacks on losers of all political parties.

“Either Egg Boy or Egg Girl will turn up at the election night headquarters of losing MPs or celebrity candidates and surprise them by smashing an egg on their head, or preferably right in their face,” Ms Common-Denominator said. “We’re calling it the Election Night Eggs-It!”

Egg Boy shot to fame after crushing an egg on the head of right-wing Queensland Senator, Fraser Anning, and Egg Girl this week threw an egg at Prime Minister Scott Morrison which bounced off his head and did not break.

Ms Common-Denominator said the network’s 18 May election coverage would be a major and expensive logistical exercise.

“We have been war-gaming the Election Night Eggs-It idea using a list prepared by Chris Uhlmann of all the seats Labor will lose,” she said.

“We plan to start both Egg Boy and Egg Girl in Sydney and use the station’s helicopter  to get them quickly to the seats likely to change hands.

“Then both will jump on chartered jets with Egg Girl heading to Victoria and Tasmania while Egg Boy flies to Queensland and the NT, with both covering regional NSW seats on the way.

“The time difference gives us a window of opportunity to get one of them to WA while the other covers South Australian seats.

Ms Common-Denominator said the Nine Network prided itself on its innovative yet thoughtful coverage of federal election results.

“We were the first to use the animated ‘boot’ to visually kick off the playing field losing MPs and we pioneered the ‘shredder’ to rip apart the virtual election signs of losers,” she said.

“We think this type of presentation is appreciated by viewers because it is entertaining but also helps them understand the intricacies and sophistication of our Westminster-style representative democracy.

“In all the years Nine has been covering federal elections and using these sort of presentations we’ve really had only one stinker of an idea.

“That was the election when we had a limbo dance apparatus set up in the studio and lowered the bar for each seat the government lost.

“That was all well and good but we also had the bright idea of having our then political editor Laurie Oakes limbo dance his way under the bar each time it was lowered and of course we all remember what happened.

“It’s something we don’t talk about and would prefer to forget. Laurie still swears blind he didn’t deliberately split his pants and had simply forgotten to wear undies,” she said.