Family split rocks Nationals’ campaign

FEDERAL ELECTION:

The Nationals’ 2019 election campaign has suffered a major setback with the news that party leader Michael McCormack and his campaign wombat have agreed to a trial separation.

The Bug understands the wombat used the cover of darkness to waddle out of their Parkes motel room earlier this week and is now moving slowly towards her parent’s burrow just off the Bright-Falls Creek road in northern Victoria “for a few days to think things through”.¬† The two are pictured above in happier times.

The two had been an item for so long that this election, the Nationals have proudly declared themselves to be on the “wombat trail”.

When The Bug caught up with the wombat this morning, she said rather woodenly that “things had not been good on the home front for some time”.

“When I first met Michael, he was so tall and so handsome and so exciting that I fell head over claws for him,” she said, looking just a little life worn-down and weary.

“But you spend three weeks in motel rooms with him and the shine soon wears off. He sits on his bed babbling on and on about what he and his party plan to do over drought measures, getting our rivers running again and mobile telecommunications towers for the bush if they get re-elected.

“I’m sorry but a wombat needs much more than that. A wombat has needs. All of you wombats out there would know and appreciate that.”

The relationship breakdown has left Mr McCormack especially red-faced, seeing he had been very critical of the failure of previous leader Barnaby Joyce’s own marriage.

The Bug apologises for not being able to bring Mr McCormack’s side of the relationship breakdown to its readers. Moments after Mr McCormack began to speak in an exclusive interview with this newspaper, our rural reporter fell asleep.