Australia’s best by far – yet least-read humour and satire online newspaper – has decided not to do its #newspoll spoofs any more, even though fake posts like the one above from mid February helped boost its pathetic readership numbers.
“We haven’t stopped because we were upsetting too many people on social media platforms,” said one of the owners of The Bug who cannot be named as part of his parole conditions. “That just made us want to do them more.”
“No, the reality is we’ve just run out of scenarios to give jittery supporters of one side or the other the shits.
“Actually we’d run out of puff a month ago and decided to stop them then but then someone on Twitter would demand that we desist for a number of reasons, especially that we weren’t at all funny. Talk about a red rag to a bug!
“Still, we particularly enjoyed the one shown above because some eagle-eyed psephologist from Tasmania, some bloke called Kevin Bonham, was on Twitter in a flash, warning the known Twitterverse in general and #newspoll tragics in particular that the post was bogus because #newspoll never uses decimal points except in campaign periods.
“Most people needed only to read about a paragraph-and-a-half in to realise the story was bullshit, but not our Kevin. He was streets ahead of them!
“We at The Bug actually quite admire Kevin’s work as a real psephologist – he’s arguably Australia’s best – as opposed to the bloke at our office who calls himself an amateur psephologist and whose shingle is all crooked, and we could have taken exception to his calling us a “so-called” satire publication twice but we didn’t. We’re better than that.
“But as for the #newspoll pisstakes? Well, that’s all behind us now. We’ve given it away. No more pathetic attempts to trick people online into looking at our site. It’s all down hill from here.”