Your one-eyed columnist hopes that his left-leaning friends are just a tad more confident of the outcome of the 18 May election after reading his first list of seven reasons why Shorten and Labor are going to go very, very well on the day.
Their nervousness is understandable when you consider that we “ain’t seen nothing yet” from Rupe’s rotten rags which are going to ramp up to nuclear heights the ultra-right-wing rhetoric in a bid to keep Morrison’s mob in power as demanded by their Yank master.
And there’s no doubt that supposedly fair and balanced reporters away from that ratbag organisation will still be doing their best, often with bugger-all subtlety, to push-poll the Tories along.
So as your columnist strives to give his jittery friends renewed hope, here are reasons eight to 14 as to why Labor is going to do very nicely on 18 May, thank you very much.
Am I right, am I right, am I right, Ned Ryerson?
8. At least Labor’s got some policies.
Labor is virtually going to the election with the same set of policies that they came close with last time. Well, except the one for the banking royal commission that Turnbull and Morrison were dragged screaming and kicking to establish.
Sure, some of those policies are controversial tax-earners but at least Labor has policies. Fizza and the Happy Clapper Slogan Bogan had two main policies they were shoving down our throats until last year’s knifing: company tax cuts for the very big end of town and the National Energy Guarantee.
Both, we were told, were absolutely crucial to the future economic prosperity of Oz. Both were dumped in Fizza’s final days as he tried to save his silver-tailed arse. Morrison, forever happy to throw personal insults Shorten’s way, doesn’t even have the guts to take his trickle-down tax cuts back to the people.
9: Climate change policy.
Recent Ipsos polling shows this has a silver bullet and is screaming up the charts as an election issue. And as explained above, at least Labor has a policy. The polling is also instructive as to what voters care most about. Border protection and economic management are running behind health and education, Labor strengths.
10. You either want to be a federal government or you don’t.
Personally Labor’s Medicare campaign last time bored me. I thought they should have concentrated on clear evidence that Turnbull loved being PM but didn’t want to do the job.
Prior to the election, he virtually said the states should look after health and state school education. His government would look after private schools, other bits and pieces in a small-government approach and he would continue to look good as our nation’s natural leader as God’s – and the media’s – gift to 21st Century Australian politics.
Scott “I’ve got your back” Morrison has continued the theme. Here’s the thing about that Morrison government claim that Labor is going to rip $387 billion in extra taxes out of poor Australians’ pockets over the next 10 years.
Remember that? A campaign masterstroke lapped up by the media yet it didn’t last as long as a farmer’s fart in a windy paddock.
It was a nonsense, of course. Labor isn’t increasing all taxes by $387 billion if it doesn’t follow the Coalition’s crazy plan to slash income taxes by $220 billion (main picture above) as they move dramatically to a flat income tax system sometime mid next decade. But let’s for argument’s sake say that $387 billion is correct – and it is in a way if the Tories used far less scary words and were honest about it. At least Labor wants to be a federal government and do things with it.
Labor has begun its messaging as to what services will need to be cut to make up the multi-billion-dollar income shortfall Morrison is so keen to create. It’s a damn good, $40 billion, argument.
11. Labor’s frontbench are, by and large, just nicer people (Moi? Biased?!) and more importantly, they’re united and stable and many have ministerial experience.
Ministerial rats have fled Morrison’s sinking ship in recent months but the likes of Cash, Dutton, Price, Dutton, Hunt, Porter, Taylor, Dutton, Littleproud, Fifield, Dutton and Joyce (yes, he would be back) remain should Morrison pull off a miracle with Godshead’s support. Heck, even the Mad Monk if he hangs on will get a guernsey.
12. There’s a strong pong now about the six years of the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison governments.
You wouldn’t blame an incoming Labor government – and Shorten in particular – for launching any number of royal commissions into all sorts of things: secretive on-water matters; the half-a-billion dollars given to the Great Barrier Reef Foundation with six full-time staff; the $423 million given for security on Manus Island to Paladin with a beach shack as its registered office; Barnaby Joyce’s and other ministers’ involvement in finding work placements for his current root; the Helloworld, Goodbye Mathias and Family: enjoy-your-trip scandal; the high cost to taxpayers to protect Michaela Cash over the union police raids; the $180 million Christmas Island photo opportunity; hiving off all sorts of government/public sector work to greedy private-sector mates; and overpriced water buy-backs. Phew! Those millions of dead fish at Menindee Lakes didn’t smell that bad!
13. The young voter factor: they’re not particularly fond of the LNP.
The Australian Electoral Commission says the enrolments for this election are an all-time record with virtually everyone entitled to vote enrolled to vote.
The AEC says a record 96.8 per cent of eligible Australians are enrolled for the poll with youth enrolment (18 to 24-year-olds) also an all-time high of 88.8 per cent. It means this election will definitely see the effects of all the young people who enrolled to have their say in the same-sex-marriage postal vote, and since. This is also a voting group that I suspect is under-represented in political polling.
14. The late swing: it will fall Labor’s way.
Let’s say that the polls tighten over the next four weeks – as most mainstream journos are hoping, praying and saying they will – and a cliffhanger/hung parliament looms. Does anyone seriously believe that swinging voters are suddenly going to have an epiphany and think: we know it’s going to be hard for the LNP to limp over the line one more time so we’d better help them because they deserve it?
Next: 15 to 21