Rancher sitting pat after Rupert find


USA: A struggling South Dakota rancher has raked in millions after realising he had something very special on his property moments before he was about to accidentally step on and destroy it.

And that “something very special” has netted Gus Gilthorpe a cool US$4.5 million from the New York Gallery of Modern Art which has already begun to promote it as one of its drawcard installations in its special “Miracles of Nature” gallery.

And the objet d’art? A cow pat that bears an uncanny resemblance to world media tycoon and former Australian publisher Rupert Murdoch.

Gus, who runs a 4000-acre Angus beef ranch with wife Berrylanne-Maybelene, said he was gobsmacked when he stopped dead in his tracks at the very last second and saw what was in front of him.

“I can’t pretend to have recognised the face immediately but, shit, it certainly looked familiar,” Gus said.

“The actual facial image is not all shit. What with the dry weather and all, I’ve been feeding the herd supplementary hay and some grains and I guess this is just how the pat plopped out.

“The cattle have also been getting stuck into a salt lick in the paddock so maybe all of these things combined together to form the image. Plus a fair bit of basic cow dung, of course.

“I’m not complaining ‘cos it’s certainly helped get me and the missus out of the shit ourselves,” Gus joked.

The Rupert Murdoch Cow Pat has already gone on display in the New York gallery, alongside a gigantic piece of North Atlantic driftwood that looks exactly like the penis of famed American porn star John “The Wad” Holmes, only smaller, a photograph taken of a cloud formation above Argentina in the 70s that looked, albeit momentarily, like Sir Winston Churchill puffing on a cigar, and two Halloween pumpkins that had grown to maturity in a Nova Scotia field fused together and which allegedly look exactly like Donald Trump’s buttocks, according to a number of unnamed hookers.

The Bug understands the Museum of Old and Modern Art in Hobart was right up there in the international bidding when the Rupert Murdoch cow pat went on auction through Sotheby’s in New York earlier this week.

But MONA owner David Walsh reportedly had to pull out of the bidding when a couple of red-hot “specials” at the Dapto dogs failed to salute the judges.

“David is terribly upset at a wonderful business opportunity missed,” a MONA spokesperson said.

“He was going to create a special exhibition hall with copies of numerous front pages from Murdoch’s various Australian mastheads around all the walls, with the Rupert Murdoch cow pat as the central feature.

“Visitors were going to be asked to vote on what they thought was the biggest piece of shit in the room. It was going to be an enormous drawcard.”