Censorship is a bummer

The head of The Bug’s Special Hard-Hitting Investigative Team, WAYNE KERR, exposes a scandalous case of unwarranted censorship.

WAYNEKERRDINKUS

 

If you are of an age to recall the old British Carry On films you would know all about euphemisms and doubled entendres.

They were a simple way for producers of those movies to sneak the multiple saucy or outright blue references in their scripts past the censors, who still existed in the heyday of Carry On films.

Some clever word play could also deliver a gag but not offend those in the audience who liked a laugh but didn’t like outright smut.

These thoughts filled my mind when I discovered a blatant case of media censorship involving the Sunday Mail in Brisbane.

In my examination of the paper at the weekend I discovered on page 22 a story (pictured) about a survey in the USA of 2,000 people who were quizzed by an opinion polling firm about their sex “bucket list”.

sexbucketIf you are unfamiliar with the term, the extensive research I have undertaken shows it refers to a list of activities a person wants to experience either before they die or during a specified period.

The Sunday Mail cited figures for the bucket lists of both men and women from the research conducted on behalf of a company called pjur. Don’t ask me why they don’t use a single capital letter, although I am still investigating that aspect of this scandal.

The overall results for both men and women showed the top three activities on Americans’ sexual bucket lists were: having sex in a car (30%), having sex in a body of water (27%), and using a sex toy (25%).

Certainly to my mind it read more like a fuck-it list than a bucket list, but let’s leave that to one side for the moment.

The Sunday Mail then detailed the top activities on the list of both men and women.

It said: “The top items on men’s sexual bucket lists were found to be car sex (38%) and sex in a body of water (33%).”

For women, the Sunday Mail told us the top items on their bucket list were: using a sex toy (28%), having sex in a body of water (26%), and having car sex (26%).

Did you notice the scandal lurking in the Sunday Mail’s coverage of this survey?

If not, you are forgiven, but as an experienced investigative reporter I saw it at once and discovered the censorship scandal that should rock the Australian media world.

After reading that line my immediate response was to ask myself why the top three items were listed for women, but only the top two for men? An extensive and in-depth sweep of online news sites I undertook showed a distinct difference between the Sunday Mail’s treatment of the story and that of other news organisations.

Other outlets were not afraid to tell their readers that the third item on the men’s bucket list (nominated by 27% of the men who responded to the survey) was having anal sex.

So the actual top three on the men’s list was: car sex, sex in a body of water, and anal sex.

Based on my research I believe the only person to have achieved all of the top three goals in a single sexual encounter was the late US politician, Senator Ted Kennedy.

But leaving historical footnotes aside, the question remains: Why would the Sunday Mail as a supposedly fearless news outlet not report that? Surely they could have taken a leaf out of a Carry On script and found a euphemism.

I soon did when I uncovered the website of pjur which turns out to be based in Luxembourg with a corporate presence in both the USA and Australia.

The website showcases the products, mainly lotions and potions, the company markets including vegan vaginal lubricants (there’s no excuse now) and others with names like Back Door and Analyse Me.

The latter is not a new movie in the Billy Crystal/Robert De Niro franchise. You get a hint when you see pjur presents the name with the first four letters of Analyse bolded.

But the former reminded me that the late Sid James would have easily leered his way through a line suggesting one of his busty female Carry On co-stars should let him in her back door.

I am appalled that the Sunday Mail could not do something similar and instead failed to report the facts and try to conceal essential information from its readers.

This surely isn’t the end of this scandal and I wait for other outlets to take up the cudgels now that The Bug has dramatically and exclusively exposed this wanton and unwarranted censorship.

For completeness I will list the remaining items on the men’s top 10 revealed in the pjur survey were: a one-night stand, using a sex toy, having a threesome, phone sex, sex with food, making a sex tape, and roleplay.

I can also report that my investigations show a majority of A-grade NRL players here in Australia have ticked off all 10 items on the pjur bucket list. Several times in a season for some players.