Sending all the wrong signals


By BUG cub political reporter Vern Rillar-Arse

A “monumental cock-up” in naval signalling is threatening to sink wartime Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s brave efforts to keep our national borders secure and its citizens safe.

The Bug can disclose that the signalling blunder early last week meant Operation Sovereign Borders naval craft have for days now been accidentally sent steaming in the completely wrong direction to achieve the crucial tasks our brave, resolute PM set for them earlier that week.

Following the Labor/Greens axis of evil’s dismantling of offshore processing in Parliament last week, a resolute and strong Mr Morrison directed OSB chiefs to step up operations to the north and west of Australia and to use tow-backs and push-backs to “whatever extent is needed to keep my fellow Australians safe”.

The Bug understands that the navy, in the words of one senior officer who asked not to be named, suffered “an unprecedented collapse in naval signalling protocols” when all OSB craft were directed not to the Indian Ocean and the Timor and Arafura seas but to Bass Strait, the Tasman Sea and the Great Southern Ocean.

The vessels are now thousands of kilometres south of where they are supposed to be to keep Australians safe from the hordes of rapists, murderers and pedophiles expected to appear over the horizon, hopefully in the days leading up to the May federal election and over and over again.

“It seems some junior communications officer in naval command was not as competent or as properly trained as they should have been in morse code,” the senior navy officer said. “It’s been a monumental and unprecedented cock-up over which heads are likely to roll.”

Prime Minister Morrison was said to be furious when news broke overnight of the signalling blunder.

A unnamed staffer quoted Mr Morrison as saying: “Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. Who was it? Katharine Murphy?”

The Bug understands Mr Morrison’s woes over the incident do not end there in terms of his solemn promise to keep Australia safe from those thousands of rapists, murderers and paedophiles  after the Labor/Greens’ complete dismantling of offshore processing with “Bill’s medevac invasion Bill”.

“We’re trying to get all our naval vessels to turn around but we’re having trouble contacting them because of the understandable secrecy of on-water matters,” the Morrison staffer said.

“The PM is extremely concerned as to whether all these naval vessels can get back – in his words, to where they need to be to do the job they need to do where it needs to be done – in the next 100 days or so.”

Meanwhile, Defence Minister Christopher Pyne has ordered an immediate high-level inquiry into the leaking of the news of the signalling blunder.

“It’s absolutely terrible what’s happened,” he said.