Endeavour sails into election


Prime Minister  Scott Morrison has refused to comment on changes to plans only recently announced for celebrating the 250th anniversary of Captain Cook’s landing in Australia.

The Bug has been told instead of the replica of Captain Cook’s ship Endeavour circumnavigating the nation from March 2020 to May 2021, the voyage would take place in April this year, before the expected May election.

The Prime Minister was quizzed on the change after he spoke at a special meeting he called in Sydney for all Ministers planning to stay around for the election (pictured).

scomotivationAt the meeting Mr Morrison gave a rousing soliloquy in which he said Australia Day celebrations had reinvigorated him and he looked forward to the election.

But he refused to answer questions on the Endeavour project designed to mark the 250th anniversary of Cook’s landing on Australian soil.

Just last week Mr Morrison announced a grant of $6.7 million to enable the National Maritime Museum’s replica Endeavour to circumnavigate the nation, making 39 stops between March 2020 to May 2021,” he said.

The Bug has confirmed that this schedule has now been drastically altered.

A senior government source told The Bug: “Having seen all the bogans out and about celebrating Australia Day this weekend, plus the lefty sooks in the streets protesting ‘Invasion Day’, the PM and others believe we need to bring the Endeavour event forward and we now plan to have the entire voyage completed by the end of April this year.

“Given that the local events in each port of call will be attended largely by flag-waving yobbos and people protesting about the neglect of our indigenous people, it has all the ingredients for sparking serious, if not violent, confrontations.

“There’s no better way to play to our base. It’s manna from heaven for us and we can’t let it go to waste so we need to have it happen before the election.

“So the sooner the ship gets in and out of a port the better, and the more stops it can make the better because that means it can spark more fights, if not outright Cronulla-style riots, in more places.

“Let’s face it, we talk about the ‘real Australians’, and the fact is real Australians are white, insular, bigoted, bogans.

“So the more the Endeavour endeavour endeavours to cater to them the more people it will satisfy and the government gets the glory.

“We’re also confident we’ll be in the clear as far as busybodies like the Auditor-General are concerned.

“Sure there’ll be extra costs but in the end we’re confident the money allocated will give a greater return on investment when subjected to a cost/bogan analysis.”

The senior government source said extra costs would be incurred to overcome the logistical problems of fitting in more stops in the allocated time given the slow sailing speed of the replica barque.

“We’ve looked at that and believe we need to tow the Endeavour behind a powerboat or the like (artist’s impression above) to go at top speed and enable the ship to visit maybe double the number of destinations originally planned.

“The only issue we need to resolve is how to get the ship into some of our inland marginal seats,” the source said.