Cormann defends flying home alone

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CANBERRA: Finance Minister Mathias Cormann has defended using an RAAF VIP jet at a cost of $37,000 in June last year to travel home alone to Perth via Adelaide where he lobbied cross-bench Senators to back the government’s tax plans.

Senator Cormann, who acted as Peter Dutton’s numbers man during the August 2018 toppling of Malcolm Turnbull as prime minister made a number of points to justify the spending.

“One, the normal air fare from Canberra to Perth is around $1,800,” he said when confronted by The Bug up the pointy end of a Qantas flight from Canberra to Queanbeyan.

“Two, if you ask anyone they will say they would rather have $37,000 than $1,800 because, one, the bigger figure is more or less more than 20 times the lesser one, and two, that means the lesser one is more or less more than the lesser one if one is flying not two.

“And three, the lesser one too would be more or less two times less than the first one if there were two people not one you were paying for.

“So it is with a heavy heart I can say I don’t see the problem,” he said while  buckling his 18th century Belgian rococo abacus into the business class seat next to him.

SYDNEY: Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is recovering well in hospital from burns received when the seat of his trousers burst into flames while on his morning walk around the cliff-top streets of Point Piper (pictured).

turnbull fire pantsAmbushed by reporters, Mr Turnbull had just finished explaining that despite his recent axing, he had no animosity towards his former Cabinet colleagues and restated his belief that it was absolutely crucial to the nation’s future prosperity that the LNP be returned at the looming federal election.

“I desperately want them to win, and win large,” he stated just before his trousers caught fire.

PERTH: Former Foreign Affairs Minister Julie Bishop (pictured) has once again fanned speculation of a fresh Liberal Party leadership challenge after being spotted in a high-end Perth ladies shoe shop.abishopmodel

ADELAIDE: A Glenelg man is recovering in hospital from shock after successfully feeding the trimmer line through the cutting head of his whipper-snipper at the first attempt.

SPORT: The national selectors are expected to revisit their announced Test team for the upcoming clashes against Sri Lanka following news overnight that the Marsh brothers – Shaun and Mitchell – have both scored centuries in backyard cricket during a holiday-season family get-together.