US Democrats spoiled for choice


The US Democratic Party is pinning its hopes on a pairing of two women celebrities to defeat Donald Trump at the 2020 presidential elections if a disagreement over who should head the ticket can be resolved.

Party sources have told The Bug that Democratic operatives are deep in discussions with actor Angelina Jolie (above left) and former White House intern Monica Lewinski (above right) to run as Democratic nominees for President and Vice-President.

“If both agree to run it would be the dream team that guarantees a landslide win for Democrats in November 2020,” a party source said.

“The one sticking point so far between Angelina and Monica is which one of them will be the presidential nominee and who will be running as their vice-president.

“Angelina is insisting on top billing because of her higher profile and humanitarian work for UNICEF while Monica is arguing she has White House experience.

“Angelina’s made a name and built a high profile as an Academy Award-winning actor and through her humanitarian work. Ronald Reagan showed voters will support an actor so there’s no drawback there.

“She has native American heritage through her mother and she’s been married three times. But voters don’t care about divorcees in the White House any more.

“Her father Jon Voight played President Franklin D Roosevelt in the movie Pearl Harbour which, given the depth of knowledge of your average US voter these days, is as good as actually having been president.

“On top of that husband number two, Billy Bob Thornton, played the US President in the very popular British movie Love Actually, so a lot of voters might even think she’s already been First Lady, so why not President?”

The Democratic Party insider told The Bug Ms Jolie’s children would also be a positive with voters.

“She’s got six kids, three of whom were adopted from orphanages in Cambodia, Ethiopia and Vietnam. If that doesn’t tick more than enough ethnic voter boxes I don’t know what would,” he said.

“Plus she’s only 43 and even though she and Brad Pitt split a couple of years back, voters might be enticed to support her in November 2020 just to see if Brad might move back in to the White House as the nation’s first First Gentleman which would be his biggest role bar none.”

While the tussle continues between Ms Jolie and Ms Lewinsky over their order on the Democratic presidential ticket, Ms Lewinsky has received support from an unexpected source.

Former First Lady, Secretary of State, and failed Democratic presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, has issued a statement which political observers interpret as lending her weight to the former White House intern being the party’s presidential nominee ahead of Ms Jolie.

“I have always thought Ms Lewinsky was qualified for nothing but the head job,” Hillary Clinton’s statement said.

“In an age when communicating with voters is vital she has shown tremendous and persuasive oral capacities.

“Donald Trump has soiled our political system and I know Ms Lewinsky would be expert at removing the stain from the fabric of our nation.

“If she wins I’ll be the first to give her a cigar,” the statement said.

Meanwhile, President Donald Trump has commented on the likely candidacy of Angelina Jolie by tweeting: “Six kids to three fathers. Sounds like Angelina Jolie is a perfect Democrat.”

Observers said the restrained nature of the tweet compared with the President’s usual level of vitriol suggests he may be taking a Jolie candidacy seriously.