Xmas gifts that leave a bitter taste

SEX ADVICE:

It may be the festive season of happy family times and goodwill to all people but our resident sexologist Doctor Dick reflects on some troubling pleas for help he’s received over the years about Christmas morning presents that caused red faces, indignation, shame or all three.

Dear Doctor Dick
You’ve got to help me put my uncaring and thoughtless husband straight over what happened at the traditional opening of Christmas gifts this year. I opened one of my gifts from him and pulled them out to show all the family that had gathered at our home that year – only to realise that it was a pair of edible undies! I went blush red with embarrassment and all of my grandchildren were smirking behind their hands. I don’t think I’ll ever live it down and I need you to tell him that it must never happen again!

Gladys Simpson
Manly Beach, Sydney
December 27, 2012

Doctor Dick replies: It’s perfectly natural for women to be concerned about what their husbands eat, particularly as they age. I’m guessing the rotter selected steak-burger and salted chips flavoured undies when you would have preferred a tofu salad or vegetarian pasta flavour? Do you really think the consumption of one pair of edible undies is going to worry his weight that much?

Dear Doctor Dick
You’ve got to help me put my uncaring and thoughtless husband straight over what happened at the traditional opening of Christmas gifts this year. The silly bugger had the present sitting on his lap across the lounge-room and made me walk all the way over and unwrap it there! Well, the box had no bottom to it and when I grabbed at what was inside,  it suddenly dawned on me that the only thing it contained was his erect penis! I went blush red with embarrassment and all of my grandchildren were smirking behind their hands. I don’t think I’ll ever live it down and I need you to tell him that it must never happen again!

Gladys Simpson
Manly Beach, Sydney
December 26, 2013

Doctor Dick replies: Gladys, you’ve got yourself one smartarse hubbie there so I think you should just accept him for what he is – a bit of a prankster and practical joker. Maybe that’s what attracted him to you in the first place, hmmm? Besides, do you know how hard it is for men to buy gifts for their wives?  It’s probably why his penis popped into his head.

Dear Doctor Dick
You’ve got to help me put my uncaring and thoughtless husband straight over what happened at the traditional opening of Christmas gifts this year. I opened my main gift from him and pulled out a bundle of items to show all the family that had gathered at our home that year – only to realise that it was a selection of vaginal deodorant aerosols and lubricant creams, a pamphlet on vaginal nips and tucks and a can of  WD-40. I went blush red with embarrassment and all of my grandchildren were smirking behind their hands. I don’t think I’ll ever live it down and I need you to tell him that it must never happen again!

Gladys Simpson
Manly Beach, Sydney
December  29, 2014

Doctor Dick replies: Dear Gladys, I really am starting to think that it may be time to put an end to your traditional Christmas family get-togethers.