Fall guy Cheika slips on a sausage

SPORT: Wallabies coach Michael Cheika’s job is now definitely on the line, not as a result of the expected big overnight loss to England, but because he’s misplaced the photos that have kept him in the job for so long.

HEALTH: Victorian hospitals are still overflowing this morning with people suffering all sorts of injuries – broken legs and hands, sprains and concussions – after slipping on incorrectly applied fried onions at election-day democracy sausage sizzles around the state.

MEDIA: Fall Guy! is the Herald-Sun’s Sunday edition 200-point splash this morning, above an editorial calling for a royal commission into why the paper’s favoured candidate Matthew Guy was not elected Premier yesterday. The paper alleges tens of thousands of conservative voters, especially in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs,  were turned away from polling stations by vicious African youth gangs. Countless others missed the 6pm deadline to cast a vote after being unable to board overcrowded trams crammed with immigrants or who were stuck for hours in traffic jams caused by the very same people, most likely all illegal and hardly a Christian among them. Others were simply just too afraid to leave their homes, what with the almost daily Muslim terrorist attacks now happening in the Melbourne CBD.

POLLING: Psephologists and even casual election observers around the nation remained stunned this morning by the results of yesterday’s Victorian state election – not by the big swing to Labor – but by the fact that the Morgan poll might have been the closest to getting the two-party-preferred vote on the night right.

MEDIA: ABC News Breakfast co-host Virginia Trioli continues to celebrate at home with family and friends after winning this year’s Walkley award for the pronunciation with most flourish possible of Médecins Sans Frontières.