UK PM calls crisis meeting
British Prime Minister Theresa May is locked in crisis talks over her Brexit plan as more Conservative Party MPs desert her leadership.
Just hours after releasing her plan which she claimed had the support of her Cabinet, Ministers began resigning — effectively showing no confidence in her and the plan.
Mrs May was also rocked by MPs in her own party disowning the plan.
The Bug was granted exclusive access to the Cabinet Room at Number 10 Downing Street where Mrs May was meeting with her Cabinet supporters and re-examining the plan late into the night (pictured).
Boris outlines new plan
Meanwhile, outside in Downing Street, her leadership rival, former UK foreign secretary Boris Johnson arrived by self-propelled hot air balloon for a media conference.
Wearing a full-body lycra jumpsuit printed with the Union Flag and jumping up and down on a pogo stick, Mr Johnson outlined his alternative to Mrs May’s Brexit plan.
He began by explaining he had dumped his FUKIT plan released last week and was now presenting a very simple plan that needed to be implemented “with utmost urgency if our United Kingdom is to survive and stay united …….. and, indeed, a kingdom”.
“My plan is for the Conservative Party to dump Mrs May and turn to me to take on the great office of Prime Minister,” he told reporters.
After a few moments of silence at the end of the declaration a reporter asked for more details of his alternative Brexit plan.
“Well, that’s about the long and short of it,” Mr Johnson said. “I take over as Prime Minister — problem solved.”
Refusing to provide further details and ignoring a barrage of questions, Mr Johnson began singing a selection of sea shanties while awkwardly dancing a jig.
Spying his driver and car at the end of Downing Street, he danced in their direction and sped off.
Aussie connection to May’s survival
Australia’s Finance Minister Mathias Cormann has flown to London to support Mrs May in her bid to retain her job as UK Prime Minister.
Mr Cormann met with Mrs May (pictured) and pledged his support to help her retain her job.
Mrs May said she was pleased to have Mr Cormann’s support and his skills as a political tactician, especially in times of leadership tensions and potential challenges.
“There are 315 Conservative MPs in the UK Parliament,” Mr Cormann explained, flipping the beads effortlessly back and forth on a 19thC wooden Dutch abacus.
“That means you need to secure at least 409 votes to become UK prime minister,” he said, checking his figures by scribbling expertly on a 1950’s Queensland state primary school slate.
“It is with a heavy heart that I estimate that right now Theresa has the rock-solid support of at least 219 of them while Mr Johnson can count on only 273,” the Senator added, blindfolding himself and then drawing numbers at random out of a bingo barrel just to be doubly sure.
“Which means Peter Dut… I mean Theresa May is currently the Prime Minister.”
Mr Cormann refused to explain a meeting he had earlier with Mr Johnson at the former Cabinet Minister’s central London club where both were seen smoking cigars and sipping champagne.
Blair offers his advice
Former UK Labor Party PM, Tony Blair, has given Theresa May some free public advice on ways out of the Brexit quagmire.
“I suspect the European Union has weapons of mass destruction,” Mr Blair said.
“An invasion to topple the EU and decapitate its leadership — and I’m not speaking metaphorically — is the only way I can see the issue being resolved.”
Former Premier makes a stand
Former Queensland premier Peter Beattie has held a news conference in Brisbane to declare he would not be commenting on the Brexit crisis engulfing UK politics.
When asked by reporters why he thought he would ever be expected to comment, Mr Beattie spent 15 minutes agreeing he had no grounds whatsoever to comment on the subject.
He then spent a further 10 minutes saying he would not be responding to any of the questions reporters present did not ask.