Shorto cops fresh PM tongues-lashing

dinkus FEDERAL POLITICS Prime Minister Scott Morrison has used his four-day bus tour of Queensland to further ramp up his #killbill campaign with a brutal tongues-lashing of Opposition Leader Bill Shorten.

And seasoned political scribes following the election-style bus tour said the PM’s tirade, once interpreted with the help of Pentecostal senior pastors, was even more venomous, brutal and personal than a similar attack during the last Question Time session before Parliament rose a few weeks back.

Mr Morrison made his latest comments after he and his party flew into Whitsunday Coast Airport near Proserpine and travelled by Comcar limousines for some 25 minutes to where the LNP’s campaign bus had just pulled in to Airlie Beach. The bus driver, who had been forced to drive the Marlborough “stretch” alone, was whisked away for counselling, a medical once-over and some time with police identikit experts to try to identify several serial killers who had attempted to flag down his bus.

Morrison began his comments by announcing a new government policy whereby a further $40 million would be granted to the Great Barrier Reef Foundation to paint in vibrant reef colours all the reef’s bleached coral areas.

“Special backpacker visas would apply to the thousands of workers we’ll need to do this valuable work,” Mr Morrison said.

“Fair dinkum, this is a win-win-win all round,” Mr Morrison said. “Once they’ve bought some pies or fish and chips, the backpackers will piss the rest of their wages up against local pub urinal walls as they always do and that helps local small businesses; we need to restore our reefs to pristine condition to draw as many tourists as possible Down Under; and, of course, the Great Barrier Reef is finished anyway without that tourist dollar.”

But it didn’t take the PM long to revert to his usual Bill Shorten tirades and Labor brand bashing. Standing by the bus doors, Mr Morrison looked skywards, raised both hands, and said: “Oh blessed Jesus Christ, our heavenly saviour, I beseech thee to look after your humble flock down here on earth. Draw us to your magnificent breast and protect this wonderful nation of ours from ever falling under the evil and disruptive power of Bill Shorten and his criminal union puppetmasters.”

He paused as his eyes glazed over, his body began to tremble and in a quite deep and gravelly voice, he intoned: “Hoba shaka canamurra ana daka salada neil sedaka sequira summata nesta nastar nasi goring gobcha cha-cha mar ma magoo!”

These were the exact same accusations that the PM had thrown at Mr Shorten in that QT a few weeks back. During most of that 75-minute session, the Labor leader had maintained his usually indifferent air, smiling benignly across at the PM and often turning away to pretend to talk to his frontbench, or what is known in political circles since 1996 as the John Howard Manoeuvre.

But just as in the House of Reps, when a clearly distressed Mr Shorten had challenged the PM to “repeat those slurs outside this cowards’ chamber” and reportedly came close to quitting politics all together such was the intensity of the verbal attack, Mr Morrison earlier today showed he still held no regard for Mr Shorten’s feelings, nor harboured any fears whatsoever of threatened legal action from the Labor Party.

Raising his hands higher, the PM, sounding almost like he was in some sort of echo chamber, intoned: “Eddie cucha catcha cama toska nana tosta noa samma camma wacky brown usay potato isay potarto sabago, sebargo tomato tomarto hava neranena hava neranena vava neranena venis mecha uru uru achim uru achim belev sameach uru achim belev sameach uru achim belev sameach uru achim belev sameach crabalocker fishwifeg oo goo g’joob!”

But Mr Morrison then went ballistic with startling new allegations against his opposite number. His head slumping forward and his chin touching the Midnight Oils T-shirt he was wearing, he shouted: “Glory be to God. Hallelujah! On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand.

“Oh, who will come with me? I’m bound for the promised land. I’m bound….I’m…I’m bound for the promised land. Bound for the promis…….”

He again started to shake uncontrollably and added: “Muknid riaf. Emahs on evah I. Gnihtyna od dna yas I. Senoj nala etallef I. Seegufer lla nword. Muknid riaf. Syag etah I. Nrub lliw yeht.”

Even members of his entourage gasped at that, and a spokesperson for Mr Shorten released a statement shortly afterwards, saying the PM’s accusations were absurd. It read in part: “Mr Shorten could not have possibly been in that Melbourne motel room with those two women on the date and time alleged. He wasn’t even in Victoria let alone Melbourne at the relevant times and Mr Morrison owes him a full and unconditional apology for this outrageous and criminal slander.”

It’s an apology that seasoned political scribes suspect “won’t be coming anytime soon”.