The Runny Beaver’s love life on the box

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The Brisbane Bolts’ first-line second-gripper Dwayne Cockburn, nicknamed the “Runny Beaver”, is rumoured to be the star of a new reality TV celebrity dating show.

The new program is understood to be the brainchild of Cockburn’s business manager Ganton Fleece and will be based around the dating experiences of Cockburn (pictured). Mr Fleece was tight-lipped when contacted.

“I can’t say too much. Things are at a delicate stage of negotiations right now,” he said.
“But I can say it’s an obvious vehicle for Dwayne. Who wouldn’t watch the Runny Beaver looking for love, or at least a quick root?”

dwayne cockburn boltsA Brisbane Bolts source said it was understood investors in the project were set to “make a motza” because the series would make use of X-rated footage that Cockburn was already shooting.

“Dwayne has always filmed his love life. For a few years now he’s always had a small, secret camera or cameras on his person or in his bedroom on the advice of his lawyers just in case he needs to prove something in court,” the source said. “He started filming himself whenever he went out on the town and has stacks of footage of the women, men, and animals he has picked up and shown a good time.

“His manager has previously been flogging the footage off on the porno market but suddenly realised there’s a whole series in what Dwayne films in just one night.”

While Brisbane Bolts’ CEO Terry Verandah would not confirm that Cockburn had signed a contract for the new TV series his comments when asked after attending a business lunch hinted at the truth of the suggestion.

“If I wanted to confirm any fucking rumour I wouldn’t do it to you fat-arsed low-life scum,” Mr Verandah said outside his favourite Italian restaurant Ano Puzzolente in downtown Brisbane.

“You bottom feeders in the media can all go fuck yourselves — and you should do it with a long-handled shovel stuck sideways up your tucker chute.”

The change in Mr Verandah’s usually outright hostility when dealing with the media has led many observers to conclude the Runny Beaver rumour could be true.

A potential barrier to the new TV series could be an incident last week involving Cockburn and a still unidentified young woman.

Cockburn was caught driving naked in an unregistered car at 190 kph in a 40 kph school drop-off zone on the Gold Coast with a 0.38 blood alcohol reading with the young woman, also naked, standing on his front passenger seat with her body through the vehicle’s sunroof.

Both occupants of the car were swigging from champagne bottles and both had white powder marks under their noses.

When apprehended the couple was out of the car and an almost incoherent Cockburn denied an accusation of public indecency by saying his passenger was merely showing students and parents how she could “use her mouth to change gears with my flesh-coloured gear stick”.

The Bolts’ head coach Jack Saunders dismissed suggestions that Cockburn’s recent run-in with the law might lessen his chances of clinching the TV deal.

“It’s just a bit of hi-jinks, just some good natured horseplay,” Saunders said.