BRISBANE: A star player for the Brisbane Bolts has faced court twice today on unrelated charges, but has been declared not guilty by the same magistrate hearing both cases.

Front left centre gouger, Dick “Big Dick” Dikbig, (main picture) who was revealed as the passenger banned for flying on any Qantas or Jetstar services after allegedly biting a flight attendant, has walked free from court.

Dikbig was on board a Qantas flight from Melbourne to Dallas, Texas, last Friday when he allegedly became disruptive and bit the attendant. (below)

The aircraft was over the Pacific Ocean at the time and its pilot diverted to Tahiti where Dikbig  was taken from the plane and transported to Brisbane – being the nearest Australian port – to face court on several charges under Australian aviation law.

But at a hearing in the Brisbane Magistrates Court this morning, Magistrate Madge E. Strait, dismissed all charges despite Dikbig insisting on conducting his own prosecution.

The Bolts player said he had been flying to the US to source new supplies of cocaine, to talk to online Las Vegas bookmakers about fixing bets on future Bolts games, and to “take a tour of Epstein Island” while freely admitting to biting the flight attendant.

But he argued that the incident had occurred at the time of a meal service and that the airline food was “absolute shit” and the attendant’s flesh looked “considerably more appealing”.

In accepting Dikbig’s argument, Her Honour said: “Sounds fair enough to me.”

She then found him not guilty on all charges and also declared that the Qantas ban on Dikbig as a passenger was unreasonable and directed that it be lifted.

However, she allowed the ban on Jetstar carrying Dikbig to stand.

“A ban on flying Jetstar is no penalty, really,” she said. “In fact it’s probably a positive. After all its in-flight service is crap.

“Indeed the very concept of any Jetstar service actually being in-flight is hypothetical anyway.”

“Big Dick” Dikbig appeared again later this morning before Magistrate Madge E. Strait on charges of high-range drink driving.

Again when conducting his own prosecution, Dikbig admitted to consuming four bottles of red wine after leaving the court to celebrate the outcome of his earlier appearance.

But he argued he had mistakenly believed he was fuelling his vehicle after reading but not fully comprehending a news story suggesting red wine might be used as a substitute for petrol. (below)

“I was legless Your Horror [sic],” he told Magistrate Strait. “But I thought I was doing the right thing, what with all the trouble over fuel supplies at the moment, and didn’t realise the wine should have gone into the car’s tank not me.”

Magistrate Strait also dismissed the drink driving charges, saying: “Sounds fair enough to me.”

When asked to comment on Dikbig’s behaviour that had resulted in the court appearance, head coach of The Bolts, Jack Saunders, said: “It was just a bit of hi-jinks – just some good natured horseplay.”

Mr Saunders refused to comment further, saying: “I really need to get home to make dinner for my wife Madge who’ll be home from court at any moment.”

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