IRAN WAR:

WASHINGTON DC: The White House has announced a “devastating” medical diagnosis that will prevent US President Donald Trump’s youngest child, Barron, from serving in any military call-up that may be necessary if the war with Iran drags on and requires the deployment of US ground troops.

Presidential press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, told a White House press room briefing that tests undertaken by the President’s personal physician Dr Pratt (below) had revealed Barron was suffering with bone spurs.

“This surprise diagnosis is naturally a devastating blow to both Barron’s and the President’s fervent desire to have the Trump family play its role in any ground war along with average American families,” Ms Leavitt said.

“Of course when it comes to US military call-ups, ‘average’ means poor and black,” she clarified.

Ms Leavitt said Barron had recently undertaken preliminary training in trench warfare near the Trump family’s home at Mar-a-Largo resort in Miami. (main picture)

“It was Barron’s goal to do his bit for any US war effort and to emulate his father in valiantly serving his nation,” she told reporters.

“As all of you traitorous subhuman enemies of the state know, President Trump has a flawless record of selfless military service to our nation and is continuing that service in his second term by solving, at last count, 43 wars.”

It is understood Barron had planned to raise his own specialised military unit, the Fighting First Inside Traders, and to enlist some of his crypto bros to sign up too.

“Sadly, he will now need to be confined to US soil,” Ms Leavitt said. “But he will still do whatever he can to fulfil the new unit’s goals and continue the Trump family’s record of heroic military service to the United States.”

When a reporter asked if the President’s others sons, Donald Junior and the other one, would face military call-up if needed, Ms Leavitt took aim at the questioner – literally, with a high-powered rifle.

“A cowardly reptile like you should know better than to ask that question,” she said.

“Of course they won’t because everyone knows bone spurs are hereditary so I’m certain Don Junior and … whatshisname will also be diagnosed with them if and when the time comes.”

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