WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump has abandoned plans to designate a young American boy as the next Dalai Lama and will soon name himself as the new spiritual leader of the world’s Tibetan Buddhists.
A White House source said the President would not wait for the current and 14th Dalai Lama to die and instead would soon host a large military parade to announce his status as the world’s first Daddy Lama. (main picture)
Just last week the current Dalai Lama confirmed that traditional processes based on reincarnation would be used to identify his successor, but Mr Trump attempted to scuttle the plan by declaring he had already identified an unnamed two-year-old boy who would become the 15th Dalai Lama and “Make Buddhism Great Again”. (below)
However, a White House source said the President changed his mind once genetic testing confirmed the identity of the boy.
“There are 20 million kids under four in the USA,” the source said. “What are the odds that the one we picked would be one of Elon Musk’s?
“Actually, come to think of it, they’re pretty high. We maybe should have factored that in at the start.
“When the President was told he wasn’t happy. His exact words were: ‘It’s not that annoying little nose-picking cunt X is it?’
“It wasn’t, but nevertheless the President was in no mood to continue with that plan especially since his big bust-up with Elon and news that his former billionaire bestie is starting up a new political party.
“The thing that clinched the deal for the President was when he was told that as a global spiritual leader he could declare fatwas on people like Elon and anyone else who’s crossed him in the past, which he intends to do quite vigorously,” the source said.
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