Newscorpse righter Stephen Drill is the judges’ unanimous choice for The Bug’s Media Glass House’s uncoveted Arselicker for February 2025 award.

Drill’s entry, a vicious anti-ABC yarn spread across Newscorpse titles mid last month, led to our judges almost calling off the competition there and then, such was the ring-mastery and cloacal cleansing exhibited by Drill on his US masters.

In an article titled “ABC costs Aussies more than a Netflix subscription as lavish $1.1 billion dollar budget revealed” Drill claimed that the ABC costs each Australian household more than the price of a Netflix subscription and that four in 10 Australians never watch, listen or read anything the ABC does.

Drill’s article splashed The Daily Telegraph (above) and other News Corp’s mastheads mid-month with follow-up articles in following days and massive exposure on Sky LNPNews.

And there are two subjects that make the Murdoch poochutes instinctively pucker and pout in delightful anticipation of what’s to come even before their “journos” pen, let alone publish, yarns Down Under. And they are stories that help the LNP get reelected and ones that demand that the ABC be axed completely or sold off – to the Murdochs, naturally, who harbour a pathological hatred for Aunty who gives things away! No other subjects jolt the Murdochs’ rectums into so much frenzied reaction.

It’s why several of our judges back in mid-February spent time in hospital following a Bundaberg-rum fuelled punch-up among our adjudicators, several of whom demanded that the trophy, named after Janet Albrechtsen, should instead perpetually honour Stephen Drill instead.

One of those judges, back on deck but sporting a black eye and various bruises, told us he still thought Drill deserved permanent trophy recognition.

“Have the arses of Rupert Murdoch and Lachlan Murdoch ever been licked so hygienically clean and spotless,” he said as he held still-sore ribs. “Dead set, you could safely eat a meal off their rings even now, a fortnight later.

“We often joke that the Murdochs won’t have to buy dunny paper for a month after their Aussie ‘journos’ get down and dirty on their derrières but have we ever seen tongue work rimming with the energy and utter devotion that Drill has shown here?”

“It gives drilling for Vegemite a whole new, alternative, meaning.”

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