MEDIA NEWS:

It has been revealed that Greg Sheridan, senior Righter for News Crap Australia’s national broadshit The Australian, is recovering at home after suffering a severe panic attack at the company’s Holt Street headquarters in the inner-Sydney suburb of Surry Hills last week.

Sheridan (far right in main picture) was rushed from the newsroom to hospital for treatment but was later allowed to go home to rest.

A Holt Street source said Sheridan suddenly showed signs of shock and distress on Tuesday last week.

“Gerard had just left the office kitchen to return to his desk with a fresh mug of cocoa,” the source explained. “He sat down on his ring cushion, kicked off his slippers, adjusted his compression socks, then took his teeth out and put them in a glass of water on his desk before drawing from his cardigan pocket a new pack of Werther’s Originals.

“He then proceeded to check the internal news feed on his desk computer while, as usual, sucking annoyingly loudly on his toffees which, by the way, a lot of us in the newsroom secretly nickname ‘Ruperts’.

“A few seconds later Greg suddenly stood up and screamed. He then turned even more white if that’s possible, started shaking, and began muttering before resuming his seat, putting his head in his hands while quietly weeping. It was clearly a full-blown panic attack.”

The source said the incident caused The Australian’s editor-in-chief Michelle Gunn to rush to Sheridan’s side.

“Greg explained to Michelle that he’d just read the raw copy from New York on events at the United Nations where the USA had opposed a motion which had condemned Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and called for Ukraine’s occupied territories to be returned.

“Michelle said she was aware of the story, and she intended to publish it along with the fact that the USA had effectively sided with Vladimir Putin while all other western democracies such as Australia, the UK, European nations, and the likes of Canada and Japan had all helped to pass the motion 93 to 18 with 65 abstentions.

“Greg – still weeping and barely intelligible – then pointed to the list of nations that had sided with the USA and therefore Putin. He said to Michelle: ‘Look, Israel voted with America to back Russia’s land grab and its war in Ukraine which is essentially aimed at ethnic cleansing. (below)

“He then said: ‘We’ve spent months saying Israel shouldn’t be criticised for its very proportionate 50-to-one response to the Hamas murders and hostage-taking because Israel is the only real democracy in the Middle East.’

“Greg said The Oz‘s reader would conclude that Israel was being hypocritical by backing the USA’s pro-Putin and anti-democracy stand only because it wanted to guarantee its supply of US-made ammunition to kill Palestinians and because Benjamin Netanyahu wanted to implement Donald Trump’s own land grab to expel all Palestinians from Gaza, and now possibly the West Bank.”

The source said Ms Gunn tried to calm Greg down by reminding him that all News Crap Australia outlets scrupulously adhered to a very strict and explicit editorial principle laid down by Rupert Murdoch himself that reporters were required to follow when dealing with any facts that contradicted News Crap’s own editorial position.

“Michelle told Greg that The Oz would be applying that sacred principle in dealing with Israel’s behaviour by totally ignoring it,” the source said.

“Michelle then called an ambulance to take Greg to hospital where he was later discharged after treatment and sent home to rest,” the source said.

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