Even so, keep those entries flowing in!

Judges of The Bug’s Media Glass House Arse-Licker for August 2024 honour are urging possible award contenders to still enter the competition despite the strong possibility – that even they collectively feel – that the month’s winner has already lobbed.

That’s right. With more than half the month still to go, our judges suspect no-one is going to out-arse-lick The Australian’s Janet Albrechtsen following her recent “Why can’t Brittany Higgins just say sorry?” opinion piece.

Their view is that no-one is going to out-tongue the very woman the trophy is named in honour after!

One of our senior judges stopped opening a fresh bottle of Bundy rum at their mid-month meeting to check entries to make this observation: “Janet clearly has formed the view after hearing evidence so far in the defamation case being brought in the Western Australian Supreme Court by Linda Reynolds against Brittany Higgins that the former Morrison minister did everything – absolutely everything – in her power back in 2019 to protect and assist Higgins after she was raped on a couch in the minister’s office.

“Janet has clearly formed the view that Reynolds being the kind, caring and considerate person the court case has already uncovered didn’t give a tinker’s cuss that the rape happened on the eve of the 2019 federal election and gave nary a thought to the idea that covering up the incident might be the way to go politically.

“And even then, it was only Reynolds’ noble desire to protect Higgins’ confidentiality and privacy that the rape that Reynolds has always believed happened – despite her obvious ongoing support for Bruce Lehrmann in various ways since – was kept secret and Prime Minister Scott Morrison was left totally in the dark for close to two years afterwards!

“In Janet’s view, the minister was 100 per cent behind her junior staffer and would have so clearly and so obviously said to her: ‘If you want to lodge a police complaint, I’m there right beside you holding your hand, pet, if that’s what you want to do! But please remember, Perth and an ongoing career remain viable alternative options, okay?’

“No, it’s very, very clear that Janet has totally found fault in this entire process with the rape victim herself and if Higgins wants to avoid losing her life’s savings, an unconditional apology is in order. And at the very least Higgins should give Reynolds her coat back and stop dressing like Kate Middleton as such actions are clearly causing the ex-minister unnecessary stress that could lead to a fatal heart attack given her parlous health condition that’s clearly been made worse by her decision to sue Higgins.

“Funny thing is that my fellow judges and I all agree: didn’t Higgins offer an apology that Reynolds rejected?”

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