2025 FEDERAL ELECTION:
The next federal election might still be 18 months away, but the nation’s mainstream media politics choir has already written key songs for that campaign and has begun rehearsals from its new songbook that has the working title Albanese: One-Term Blunder!
“It’s early days yet, but we reckon we’ve got these socialist latte-sipping woke inner-city elites on the ropes and we’re all determined to ensure Peter Dutton and the LNP are returned to their rightful place as this nation’s natural and God-given government of choice,” Herald-Sun columnist and Sky News presenter Andrew Bolt told The Bug.
He was speaking as the choir took a well-deserved but quick break after belting out Albo Blew It His Way, a seering dirge that explains why the PM has to take at least 125 per cent of the blame for the referendum’s loss.
Bolt was speaking at a community hall in Sydney’s west, an area where the choir members believe a savage judgment can be made in mid-2025 on Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Labor’s wasted three years in power.
Most of the lyrics for Albo Blew It His Way were drawn from post-Voice referendum columns from the likes of Peter van Onselen, Michelle Grattan, David Crowe and Dennis Atkins, who The Bug must admit were all in fine voice as that tune was belted out. Atkins is a gifted baritone.
He told The Bug: “After I quit The Courier-Mail some years back, I thought I’d never make this choir but after my 30-odd paragraph column for InQueensland where I blasted the Yes mob for running the worse campaign ever – and if you read between the lines, you’ll probably pick up that they could have won if I’d managed their campaign – and, like my fellow choir members, barely mentioned just how sickeningly devious, deceptive, racist and mendacious was the No campaign, I got the call-up.”
David Crowe thought he’d caught the eye of the choir’s scouts with his own lengthy column that called Albanese catastrophically wrong in assuming victory was assured and his observations that the PM had been badly damaged by the defeat while Peter Dutton gains heightened authority.
“But I’m here on probation because I did end my column with a few paragraphs critical of Dutton. They’ve told me that can’t happen again if I want to guarantee my place in the choir moving forward,” Crowe said as he sprayed his throat with a mild but fragrant antiseptic.
Choir members told The Bug they thought the most powerful songs apart from the eponymous Albanese: One-Term Blunder! were those showing Albanese had no interest whatsoever in solving the cost-of-living crisis that had brought working-class people to their knees.
They were Albo Cares More about Abos Than Youse!, a tune that was very effective during the Voice campaign in the outer suburbs, and Airbus Albo: Your woes are 30,000ft beneath him!” with lyrics drawn from the musings, both written and oral, of all of the singers depicted at the top of this exclusive story.
Herald-Sun LNP publicist James Campbell told us: “I think they’re the ones that will get us over the line come election day. People are hurting out there and as long as no-one in the MSM mentions that the plight of working-class people would be even worse under the LNP, we should set up at least another three to four terms of good, strong, stable LNP government.
“Look, please don’t use that last bit, okay. I really enjoy what I do and the pay’s exceptional.”
Another toe-tapper was Hit the Road, Jerk, penned by Bolt and the Seven Network’s Sunrise co-presenter Natalie Barr who both declared Albanese should have done the right thing and resigned immediately after the Voice referendum result.
And while she is not pictured above, Parnell Palme McGuinness has contributed a nice little song called Jacinta Price Prime Minister-in-Waiting which she explained thus: “It shows you just how awful this Labor government has been if Price is even the remotest of possibilities as a future PM”.
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