LEEDS, England: In a remarkable display of sportsmanship, English fans on the first day of the Headingley Test here have apologised in rousing, full-throated song for the pitch having been doctored to give the home side some hope of getting back into the Ashes series from 2-nil down.

A packed stadium to their credit finally realised that a greentop prepared solely to benefit the return from injury of England tearaway Mark Wood – clearly the fastest bowler on either Test side – was in fact contrary to the spirit of how the gentlemanly game of cricket should be played.

The knowledable Yorkshire locals had been largely satisfied when Wood cleaned up the Aussie tail to finish with 5-34 from his 11.4 overs but late in the day as many pints of Tetley’s Smooth Ale started to sink in under a tepid English summer sun, they came to realise a greentop worked both ways and how unsportsmanlike it had been to switch tactics from the dead and lifeless pitches that had been prepared earlier in the series to benefit the home side’s Bazball style of play, now also known as Flopball or Fizzball.

The very moment England slumped to 3 for 65 in its first dig, the Headingley crowd quickly broke out in song (pictured at top) to confess the error of their ways and to apologise in full voice for trying to cheat their way back in the series.

Their noble, sportsmanlike, stand reportedly brought a tear or two to the eyes of Yorkshire’s favourite son, Geoffrey Boycott.

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TAMWORTH, NSW: The price of shares in the leading liquor outlets that serve this famous country music town and Armidale to its north have soared following news that local federal MP Barnaby Joyce (pictured) might be plotting a fresh tilt at the National Party leadership and the pay and conditions package that comes with it.

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BRISBANE: Federal opposition Leader Peter Dutton (above) earlier this morning issued a statement “giving full and unequivocal support to any former Morrison government ministers improperly accused of alleged wrongdoing by the vindictive and shamefully politicised and weaponised Robodebt Royal Commission kangaroo court”.

The commission’s findings are due to be released late this morning.