King Charles the Third has thrown a right-royal tantrum on the eve of his coronation, declaring that a commemorative coin “looks nothing like One”.
My palace spies report that this was no leaky-pen or cluttered-table tizz when the monarch was first shown the coin overnight England time.
“Heavens above, it looks like Lyndon Johnson,” the King reportedly shouted before hurling a croissant across the No2 breakfast dining room – the main breakfast banquet hall being closed to have its summer wallpaper applied – at Buckingham Palace and giving his darling departed mummy’s last remaining corgi a damn good kicking just to reinforce One’s displeasure.
“That image could have been of any number of the old men you might see being cleared out of Harrod’s whenever One goes shopping there. Any old commoner, really, and certainly not God’s chosen Defender of the Faith!
“I’ll have someone’s head over this,” King Charles shouted as he brandished an imaginary sword at several started kitchen serving wenches.
My court insiders told me the Queen Consort took forever to calm down King Charles as he continued to rail against the coin’s creators, saying the image did nothing to capture his God-given regalness, noble bearing, all-round good looks, normal sized ears, endless charm and wit.
One aide heard him whisper to the Queen Consort as he tried in vain to bring his rage under control: “Oh, my darling Camilla, it’s moments like this that One still wishes you used tampons.”
The King then appeared to calm down appreciably as he tied a long piece of string to both ankles for old time’s sake.
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