With just a week to go for February nominations to roll in, The Bug’s Media Glass House Arselicker-of-the-Month judges are warning caution for those still hopeful of snatching the trophy from the hands of two of the best in the business.

“We’re not saying Janet Albrechtsen and Stephen Rice are unbeatable at this stage but boy, oh boy, anyone who wants to knock them off is going to have to come up with an absolute doozey of an arselicker to beat these two professionals from The Australian,” our senior arselicker judge confided this morning.

“The effort by those two in The Weekend Australian last Saturday is likely to become the benchmark for all future awards.

“In fact, our entire judging panel is meeting later this morning to consider giving Albrechtsen and Rice permanent naming rights for the award.”

Our judge was referring to that paper’s splash centred around a cloyingly sympathetic interview with arguably the former Morrison government’s worse minister Linda Reynolds (below). Yes, we accept that’s a big call.

In that extensive piece, the two Oz journalists appeared to be claiming that alleged rape victim Brittany Higgins could not be believed as to what happened in Parliament House early one morning in March 2019 because she was wearing a Carla Zampatti jacket as she exited the building the next morning.

“They say everyone has their price,” our judge said.

“But our judging panel with almost two centuries of journalism to their collective credits reckon Albrechtsen and Rice would have to be paid millions of dollars a year to write shit like that.

“Imagine the shame they should be feeling if they’re being paid anything less!

“After last Saturday’s effort, we reckon you could have safely eaten a meal off Rupert Murdoch’s muckhole for the best part of a week.

“That article showed two top-shelf professional NewsCorp writers virtually rimming with confidence. Albrechtsen and Rice are true ringmasters; championship coit cleaners without peer.